having a hard time

Everyday i wake up and have this emotional toll on me. I suck at being a mom and i hate myself for beinging my kids in a situation behind my wrong decisions. im suffering ane so are they. im not proud, im just making it by. no family, no friends bad deecision making because iv been so alone my life. never had a rela family because i was adopted and placed with strangers who abused me. Thats not point , its me iv been making the wrong decisions even with money , im lucky to have what i have , iv been in back to back abusive relationships my whole life , im proud i left but iv suffered , iv lost so much time and money. I think positive nowadays and think iv come a long way but im almost 30 , i havent accomplished anything but children. i havent been on vaction since i was 14 , never traveled , im ashamed,i cant save money , i can barely be a mom,. i work hard and i give myself grace for continuing life.. i was always told i am too hard on myself and i recently taught myself to not be so overwhelmed. Some days i just need to sit in bed all day and thats fine .i worry everyday for myself and my kids , will i drip dead feom exhaustion and my health, what am i to become im so old