Anti social

I used to be outgoing. Wanting to talk to everyone make friends. I was a people pleaser and I think I still am one. But through life being a doormat and only doing what the other person wants I feel like I lost myself. I feel like I'm a boring person. I don't like to be the person to start a conversation because I don't want to be annoying. I've been told to shut up when I talk or just plain ignored that now I have a hard time speaking up. I want to make friends but I really don't know how. When people ask what I like and what I want to do, I really have to answer. I lost my identity a long time ago. One problem is I didn't think I'd live past 16 so now I feel like I didn't think I'd make it this far I don't know what to do. I feel so lonely but I can't talk to people. It's hard sometimes. I make people mad at me because I don't know what to talk about, or I don't reach out to start a conversation. It's just super hard for me now.