Is anyone else like this?

I'm anti social/ or wanna be by myself when I'm around others ,

But extremely lonely when I'm by myself,
I'm so stupid, that I'm an introvert gamer that prefers solo games too ,

And because I'm autistic, this shitty ass cycle is all I cope with when I try to change xD.

Im actually pretty lucky to have a lot of friends to talk to or message, but few that I'm super close to .

Can't wait till I can get another job so I can be bloody social again lol (had a temporary covid related job )