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I Pretend I'm Okay

With my childhood all messed up I always try to act that nothing's bothers me at school but when I get home all I wanted to do was to run and hide but I can't. Because every time I think of running away I think of my mom so I stayed and suffered.
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I still feel that way. I wonder if that's what got me into peeing in my pants a lot when I was a child?