I Pretend I'm Okay

I have to or else, they will pretends to care, when in reality, they just need to convince themselves they are doing it to be a good person for points to get into heaven.
I have to pretend that I want to live.
I have to pretend that I like being around the people that I am around.
I have to pretend that I am happy.
I have to pretend that I am not lonely.
I have to pretend that I mean it when I smiles.
Not for me since that will be useless, I can't lie to myself, but for those that pretend they care about me.
I don't know why, I just have to.