I Pretend I'm Okay
I feel that everything lost its intensity as I'm growing up, things and memories are becoming black and white.
As a child kids picked on me, it was hard i never told anyone that it bothered me that much.They called me stupid or just some bad names, it hurts even now.But it changed me i worked on my self, i dreamed big.
I dreamed of a nice car, in general i dreamed about things.And i wanted to be good at something.Just one thing that i can consider my self good at.At age of 10 i placed high goals for my self, those bad words inspired me to change my self, to work on my self :D
And that goal from my childhood is also now here.I'm working hard, and lots of people consider me successful.I'v opened a small company and it goes good, I have a nice car, nice clothes BUT :D
There is no me in it.I lost my self on that way of becoming that person who has no insecurities of going into the fears.My day starts at 6am and ends around 1pm, it's work mostly if I'm not working i'm reading and improving my self.
When i don't work i feel panic, i can't spend time on things that will waste my time.
The goal of this was to write it down, i don't even know what I'm expecting from this that i wrote down nor i know what to expect from my self in the way of changing all of this.
As a child kids picked on me, it was hard i never told anyone that it bothered me that much.They called me stupid or just some bad names, it hurts even now.But it changed me i worked on my self, i dreamed big.
I dreamed of a nice car, in general i dreamed about things.And i wanted to be good at something.Just one thing that i can consider my self good at.At age of 10 i placed high goals for my self, those bad words inspired me to change my self, to work on my self :D
And that goal from my childhood is also now here.I'm working hard, and lots of people consider me successful.I'v opened a small company and it goes good, I have a nice car, nice clothes BUT :D
There is no me in it.I lost my self on that way of becoming that person who has no insecurities of going into the fears.My day starts at 6am and ends around 1pm, it's work mostly if I'm not working i'm reading and improving my self.
When i don't work i feel panic, i can't spend time on things that will waste my time.
The goal of this was to write it down, i don't even know what I'm expecting from this that i wrote down nor i know what to expect from my self in the way of changing all of this.
