A Flower in her Hat

I have a friend. His name is Jonas. I have known Jonas my whole life.

A year ago I had to have him institutionalised because he has dementia. He forgets, he doesn’t know what year it is, and he became a danger to himself as well as others because he did crazy things like putting wire into electric sockets, cleaning his room with a hose, or burning plastic in his kitchen.
Jonas is docile but stubborn. In his life he was a very hard worker with many skills.

The home is nice. There are people with private rooms and rooms with many beds. I do what I can. I make food for them or take clothes. I take magazines, toiletries and sweets. I sometimes go with a radio and play them music. Some people just sit and don’t talk. Some are very loud. Not all have dementia, but certainly a lot do, along with other ailments.

In my mother tongue, illnesses of the mind are described as soul sicknesses. I wonder sometimes if the true side of people comes out when their mind goes.Jonas now refuses to do anything. He sits in the sun all day and eats. He has gotten quite fat. He laughs at the things people do around him, and he asks me every time, “When are we leaving?”

I say, “Friday.”

Five minutes later…

“When are we leaving?”

I take one woman crosswords and another wool. Jonas refuses to take his jacket off. I’m the only one who can get him to. I want to wash the damned thing for him. It reminds me of my mother. At the end there was this one water bottle she wanted all the time. Maybe that inanimate object is comforting, much like a child’s favourite blanket. I have to laugh because some people are aggressive. There are two ladies who are always arguing. One walks with a walker and the other walks with a stick.

The one shouts, “Maggie, I’m gonna fuck you up!”

And Lettie shakes her stick and says, “Come try.”
And they do a little shuffle chasing around, it’s like a show.

There are a lot of sad stories, but I won’t talk about those.
I look at the staff, who are patient. They laugh, they distract these people, and they somehow keep everyone going. It can’t be easy.

I took Jonas some sandwiches today. There is a woman next to Jonas. She is always angry. She fights and says to Jonas, “That’s my food container. You stole it.”
I gave her some sweets to distract her. Then she said, “No one cares about me.” So sad.

The home had given me some flowers. I took one, gave it to her, and she tried to put it in her shirt. She couldn’t, so I put it in her hat instead. She smiled.I think the point is that even if it’s just a smile, we can be kind to those around us. We don’t always have to solve people’s problems. Sometimes a sandwich, a flower, a song on the radio, or simply sitting with someone is enough.

Appreciate what you have. One day it could be you, or someone you love