Driving home when it hit.
One second I was fine, the next my chest was tight, my palms were soaked with sweat, and the road in front of me blurred.
Fuck
Cars rushed past while I fought for air that wouldn’t come.
I pulled over somewhere safe.
Still couldn’t breathe.
My hands were ice cold. My heart was pounding so hard it hurt. Every part of me was screaming that something was terribly wrong, even though I knew what it was.
Panic.
Fuck
Eventually the wave broke.
I made it home.
But coming down has been harder than the attack itself.
My thoughts are foggy. I can’t focus. I can’t settle. Everything feels distant and unreal.
And then come the thoughts I hate most.
Fuck
The urge to make the pain visible.
To trade the terror in my chest for something I can actually see.
But tonight the fight is exhausting.
The music isn’t loud enough to drown out my brain
Fuck
And even now, hours later, it still feels like I can’t quite catch my breath.
Fuck panic.
Fuck
Cars rushed past while I fought for air that wouldn’t come.
I pulled over somewhere safe.
Still couldn’t breathe.
My hands were ice cold. My heart was pounding so hard it hurt. Every part of me was screaming that something was terribly wrong, even though I knew what it was.
Panic.
Fuck
Eventually the wave broke.
I made it home.
But coming down has been harder than the attack itself.
My thoughts are foggy. I can’t focus. I can’t settle. Everything feels distant and unreal.
And then come the thoughts I hate most.
Fuck
The urge to make the pain visible.
To trade the terror in my chest for something I can actually see.
But tonight the fight is exhausting.
The music isn’t loud enough to drown out my brain
Fuck
And even now, hours later, it still feels like I can’t quite catch my breath.
Fuck panic.
