I Can't Sleep When I Have Too Much On My Mind
Never in a million years did I think I would end up where I am now. At 16 yrs old I have become a high school dropout, I am jobless, my parents hate me, and I am very suicidal.
In all honesty, it probably isn't as bad as it sounds, but when I find myself crying on the kitchen floor it feels as if the world is ending. I want to put the blame on school and my parents -anyone but me- except I know the truth. I'm the one to blame... at least for most of it.
If I want to keep living I need to change my perspective. I'm addicted to the pain and sadness I bring onto myself. I love crying and being able to feel bad for myself. I have made myself believe that I am a victim with so much strength and willpower to be able to achieve what I have/will all on my own. I need attention, it's what my dreams are based on.
That's going to change though. I don't know what religion, meditation, or book is going to do that for me, but I'm not going to be ungrateful anymore. I'm going to be happy with myself and life.
In all honesty, it probably isn't as bad as it sounds, but when I find myself crying on the kitchen floor it feels as if the world is ending. I want to put the blame on school and my parents -anyone but me- except I know the truth. I'm the one to blame... at least for most of it.
If I want to keep living I need to change my perspective. I'm addicted to the pain and sadness I bring onto myself. I love crying and being able to feel bad for myself. I have made myself believe that I am a victim with so much strength and willpower to be able to achieve what I have/will all on my own. I need attention, it's what my dreams are based on.
That's going to change though. I don't know what religion, meditation, or book is going to do that for me, but I'm not going to be ungrateful anymore. I'm going to be happy with myself and life.
18-21, F
