Carrying the Grief

I carry my grief inside my body and mind.
It is heavy and weary
It makes me fatigued ,depressed, and unsure of which direction to go in

It has changed with time but can I really say it has lessened?
It has only changed form

Not as isolating as at first, I guess
I now tread among the rest of humanity
I now see that moving on is not a option but a necessity

There is no expectation of seeing you again here
Of living the life we had planned
Saying goodbye to unfulfilled dreams is brutal

And grief doesn't leave, like I thought ,it just patiently waits around for you to remember
There's no choice of if I'll continue to grieve
It will invade whether I wish it to or not.

Yet, learning it's okay to be happy
To take delight in the world
Not being ashamed of the emotions
Striving to keep living despite the pain

To keep moving forward until one day the crushing grief turns into a background sadness that I carry with me but doesn't consume me
Acknowledge it when it steps into the room but not going to look for it

Renkon · M

Sometimes you start reading a poem... and somewhere along the way, it stops being a poem.

You no longer remember how it rhymed, how the words were so beautifully knitted together.
The lines, the words ... they all dissolve... and what's left is just a flood of emotions, loosened and flowing.

Like a small boat without a paddle, you stop resisting and simply glide along the current.
That's how I felt reading yours.

"And grief doesn't leave, like I thought — it just patiently waits around for you to remember"
Those lines struck deep.