Living In The Too Quiet

It's hard not to go crazy in this quiet
Just when I think I am adjusting
I realize that I'm not doing that well.
Whatever "that well" means.
I want somebody to talk to and not some idiot who just wants to use me.
I suppose, I need somebody who's going through the same thing I am going through.
Losing your partner is not the same as losing your parents, I don't know why but it's hundred times worse than that.
I lost both my mother and father and it hurt, but nothing like this.
I suppose it would be closest to losing a child ,but even that must have its own set of pain distinct and different from losing a partner.
I'm not looking for a romantic partner and I would reject any such offers in any form.
I hate that I have to put these kind of disclaimers on here, but there's always someone trying to message me and take advantage of my vulnerability.
It's just hard sitting here in the quiet not hearing his voice anymore.