The Sound of Silence
I think, I'm getting use to sitting here with my own thoughts.
Honestly, that was the most devastating thing.
You don't know how much of your time is taken up with talking until you lose your partner and you're no longer saying things like "drive safe", "see you later", and many other mundane things that you end up missing more than anything else.
Because, after a while it starts to sink in there's no one to say "Good morning" to or
"Good night" to .
"Have a good day at work"
No longer hearing his voice saying "It's good to be home"
Nobody to ask questions to "What do you want for breakfast?"
"Are you warm enough?"
Nobody to thank you for the things you have done for them and no one to do them for.
Until the silence starts to drive you mad so you wrestle with it and, eventually, reconcile with it.
I know he's gone- that part of me that kept hoping it was a bad dream and he was coming back it's not there anymore.
And I can sit for hours with myself and be somewhat comfortable.
I'm not over the grief, in fact I don't know if you ever are, and I'm not really sure what all this means.
The acceptance, I believe is considered a good thing ,but it's almost like a second death in letting go of the delusional thinking and accepting the cold hard facts.
And stranger still, when I sit in the quiet and am content it starts to seem almost like a betrayal.
The old cliche comes to mind 'Life must go on"
It's not quite correct, but life indeed must go on, but it's only because we have no choice.
And you have to learn to be content in the quiet or go mad.
Honestly, that was the most devastating thing.
You don't know how much of your time is taken up with talking until you lose your partner and you're no longer saying things like "drive safe", "see you later", and many other mundane things that you end up missing more than anything else.
Because, after a while it starts to sink in there's no one to say "Good morning" to or
"Good night" to .
"Have a good day at work"
No longer hearing his voice saying "It's good to be home"
Nobody to ask questions to "What do you want for breakfast?"
"Are you warm enough?"
Nobody to thank you for the things you have done for them and no one to do them for.
Until the silence starts to drive you mad so you wrestle with it and, eventually, reconcile with it.
I know he's gone- that part of me that kept hoping it was a bad dream and he was coming back it's not there anymore.
And I can sit for hours with myself and be somewhat comfortable.
I'm not over the grief, in fact I don't know if you ever are, and I'm not really sure what all this means.
The acceptance, I believe is considered a good thing ,but it's almost like a second death in letting go of the delusional thinking and accepting the cold hard facts.
And stranger still, when I sit in the quiet and am content it starts to seem almost like a betrayal.
The old cliche comes to mind 'Life must go on"
It's not quite correct, but life indeed must go on, but it's only because we have no choice.
And you have to learn to be content in the quiet or go mad.
56-60, F
