Like an exhale
I drink every night.
My ex addict coworker has been "recovered" for 20 years.
She asks why I drink and asks if it's to "numb" it.
Of course. I feel like that's why most addicts are the way they are.
She tells me that if I can just get through the first month or so, sober, that life would be amazing.
That I would see how amazing it feels.
But, I know how amazing it felt.
My life already was amazing.
Having my mom was amazing.
We were thick as thieves, as they say.
Adventures, road trips, singing along in the car, going to the movies even though she hated the horror movies I liked.
I used to research towns, places I'd want to move to.
I'd find a town and we would go check it out. No matter how far.
Went to Arizona twice, once in December and once in July, to see if we really liked the weather.
Her random side hustle was a "mystery shopper". Can't make a living off it but they would give her like 30 bucks to spend at a random place, and she would then fill out whatever form they had.
She would always take me along.
She is the only reason I know what unconditional love is.
And now,
There's just nothing there.
Maybe in a way I don't want there to be.
I had it all.
There's nothing more I want.
I told my coworker that when I drink, it is like relaxing in a luxurious warm bath after a long day.
Like an exhale
Whether a good thing or a bad thing, my tolerance is so high now that I don't really get "drunk" any more. Luckily that also means I don't get "sick" any more.
I don't particularly want to d*e.
I just don't know...or rather, don't want to, do anything else with the time I have left.
I feel like I've had the best of it...and the worst of it.
Don't want any more.
The plot twist is that even when it was great...I still had depression and anxiety.
Overall pretty funny...
I can't find it now but I saw a poem once that said, "life is a gun, death is an OG"
My ex addict coworker has been "recovered" for 20 years.
She asks why I drink and asks if it's to "numb" it.
Of course. I feel like that's why most addicts are the way they are.
She tells me that if I can just get through the first month or so, sober, that life would be amazing.
That I would see how amazing it feels.
But, I know how amazing it felt.
My life already was amazing.
Having my mom was amazing.
We were thick as thieves, as they say.
Adventures, road trips, singing along in the car, going to the movies even though she hated the horror movies I liked.
I used to research towns, places I'd want to move to.
I'd find a town and we would go check it out. No matter how far.
Went to Arizona twice, once in December and once in July, to see if we really liked the weather.
Her random side hustle was a "mystery shopper". Can't make a living off it but they would give her like 30 bucks to spend at a random place, and she would then fill out whatever form they had.
She would always take me along.
She is the only reason I know what unconditional love is.
And now,
There's just nothing there.
Maybe in a way I don't want there to be.
I had it all.
There's nothing more I want.
I told my coworker that when I drink, it is like relaxing in a luxurious warm bath after a long day.
Like an exhale
Whether a good thing or a bad thing, my tolerance is so high now that I don't really get "drunk" any more. Luckily that also means I don't get "sick" any more.
I don't particularly want to d*e.
I just don't know...or rather, don't want to, do anything else with the time I have left.
I feel like I've had the best of it...and the worst of it.
Don't want any more.
The plot twist is that even when it was great...I still had depression and anxiety.
Overall pretty funny...
I can't find it now but I saw a poem once that said, "life is a gun, death is an OG"
