Nikki, you have been through a really horrible event (his cancer and its end with his death).

He meant an awful lot to you, so dreams, etc., just make sense. The pain and unimaginable grief are because of how much he meant to you, how real that relationship was for you, how real all the thoughts and feelings tied in with that relationship truly are.

So grieve as you must and know that your grief honors him and the relationship (as long as you don't wallow in it).

You'll be able to climb out of the hole you are in and hear the birds, see the Sun, feel a warm breeze...in time.

Be good to yourself; you've lost the only real parent you ever had in your life in a long, positive way.

I dream of my dad more than I dream of my mom - both are gone but I was closer to my mom. My dad passed more recently. In my dreams it never occurs to me that hes dead irl and I never question why Hes there. Some people think that’s how they visit us. I don’t really know for sure but when I bought a new car last week, the numbers on the new plate matched his birthdate. It’s odd that a good thing like that would happen with a “sign” from him bc he was kind of a negative person. I also found a sweet kitten (now my best cat ever) in 2023 on the anniversary of his death. Maybe your dad’s trying to say something. Or just connect.

Grief is so hard. I am sorry for your loss. I lost my dad in December too and on Christmas Eve in my dream he brought me a Christmas tree. He was young again and smiling. I cried all day. It was our last visit. It takes a long time to get over our parents but we do. Take care of yourself.❤