As The World Shrinks

I'm certain many feel this way.

As I age and watched death consume family and friends, Vickie being the most painful, I find myself occasionally looking into those from the past. Each time I find someone has passed my world feels smaller. This past year I discovered an aunt a cousin and my fathers best friend passed away over the past several years. Today I discovered my first wife died in November of 2020. She was 65. She was a medical scientist and died 1 year after retiring. We parted on good terms but didn't keep in touch. For me when it's over it's over. But it still made my world even smaller. I did keep in touch with her mom for a while however. Yes I got along well with my mother-in-law. I learned today she passed in 2010.
They don't have to be in our lives to feel the loss. Each one learned to be gone shrinks my world. I've been doing it alone for 2 years come next Tuesday yet the days each of them were there is still remembered.

The world continues to shrink yet to discover who else has left this world. Death is finality to those of us remaining.

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nonsensiclesnail · F

When my father’s last brother died, he’s the last of his immediate family, he expressed something very very similar to me. I’m actually terrified of this sort of finality.

Gibbon · 70-79, M

@nonsensiclesnail I'm the last and only. Adopted never had any blood family. Didn't know until I was 45. Vickies daughter has agreed to take care of things for me after I pass. I don't fear it except for passing here undiscovered. I just have been procrastinating the required documents.

nonsensiclesnail · F

@Gibbon the required documents???

Gibbon · 70-79, M

@nonsensiclesnail Yes. Giving her my checking account. Will or trust and power of attorney to receive death certificates and take care of essentials.

nonsensiclesnail · F

@Gibbon the responsible thing. Yes, I’m that for my father.

Gibbon · 70-79, M

@nonsensiclesnail As long as I don't feel I'm going to drop tomorrow I have a hard time getting off my ass to get it done.

nonsensiclesnail · F

@Gibbon You should get it done just for the sake of getting it off of her mind. It has weight. I know that for me, even though I didnt really grow up with my dad, but I did.. We have a simple relationship with complications, I needed to know that I was free to just mourn him in the end and not deal with the bureaucracy of it all. It is a gift of freedom.

Gibbon · 70-79, M

@nonsensiclesnail I've decided to get it all done when winter is over and I can get out of the house in nice weather. I have a cremation contract and ash burial plot. The plot I don't want. My first Ex didn't use. Dealing with them on the phone is impossible as I've tried. It's like hello brain dead. So I'm gonna walk into the office and get it straight with them to do the cremation and hand my ashes over to Vickies daughter. Saying all this just reaffirms to myself what I have to do.

nonsensiclesnail · F

@Gibbon Im glad you have an idea of what to do. Im sorry any of us have and need to think about this. But tis only the bureaucracy of life. You are still here and very much alive and don't let anyone allow you to forget that.
Im beginning to understand, my grandmother telling me how weird it was to see that old lady in the mirror because that wasn't her. I dont feel any different t that I did 30 year ago, I jsut know more.

Gibbon · 70-79, M

@nonsensiclesnail Same here. I still feel my youth but physically the last two years could have taken better care of myself. It sucks to have my inner child yelling at me.

nonsensiclesnail · F

@Gibbon same. My inner child is very sarcastic and really mouthy.