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A lifetime

The darkness is like a heavy blanket,
That surrounds my shattered soul
That has stolen all my happiness ,
And has been replaced with an immense sadness ,
That only another grieving mother
could know.

I struggle with so many emotions
That occupy my daily thoughts,
One minute I can be coping
The next minute I am not,
The tears can start flowing,
From a memory that just creeps on up.

I feel numb
I feel inner pain
I feel sadness
Some days I feel like I’m going insane.

My grief is for a lifetime
Time will never heal my broken heart,
I’ve just found a way to carry it,
So that it is hidden from those I love.

I have become good at hiding
What has now become apart of me.
But behind my I am fine and
The smile I wear on my face,
Is the grief ,my living nightmare
A pain that has changed my entire life.

I am no longer the same person
I’ll never will be who I once was,
I now fight an invisible battle,
To survive, to just hold on.

My love for my family
For my other beautiful kids
Is what keeps me fighting ,
Please give me the strength to carry it.

Time is like a prison sentence
Of which there is no escape,
It started when I lost you,
It will end at heaven’s gates.

I hate that this is now my reality
I wish to God it wasn’t true,
That I would wake up from this nightmare,
That I could wrap my loving arms around you.

I would give anything to see you
To tell you I love you so,
I’d trade places with you in
heaven my beloved son,
You deserved to live a life filled with happiness and love.

Some days are worse than others
Some days I want to die,
Some days I struggle to function,
Some days all I do is cry.

I know you wouldn’t want me
To live my life this way,
But I am forever heartbroken
It’s a grief that will never go away.

I think about the good times
I think about the bad,
I think about your future,
One now you’ll never have.

I want to find peace
I want to feel happiness in my soul,
But the only way I’ll have it,
Is when I too make heaven
my forever home 💔💔💔💔💔🖤💔💔💔💔💔

Jimmy...Forver in my heart...forver loved ... forever missed ... can't wait to see you again ❤️🖤💔❤️🖤💔❤️🖤💔❤️🖤💔❤️🖤💔❤️🖤💔❤️🖤💔❤️🖤💔❤️🖤💔❤️🖤💔❤️🖤💔❤️🖤💔❤️🖤💔❤️🖤💔💔❤️🖤💔❤️🖤💔❤️🖤💔❤️🖤💔❤️🖤💔❤️🖤💔❤️🖤💔❤️🖤💔❤️🖤💔❤️🖤💔❤️🖤💔❤️
DeWayfarer · 61-69, M
I can feel your pain in this. And it reminds me of what my own mother went through so many decades ago and long before I was born.

To lose one, that was once apart of you, is a grieving I can't not conceive. Yet I know what that loss of two cost my own mother.
I think it drove her somewhat mad and to drinking.

My own siblings I believe gave blame to her for what had happened. For even they were affected by the horrors of war that savaged their own young bodies.

Yet the cost it did to our own mother I seriously doubt they understood to the full effect. And likely why they did little when she was in her later years.

She told me things that I doubt she ever mentioned to them. How she grew up, how she watched her father die, and other personal things. All because I took care of her as she did me as a healthy baby.

Yet the horror, the terrible terrible loses of her own children literally broke her spirit for decades to come.

I can only hope you can see around these dreadful feelings. Yet attempt to relate your loses as well to your own children. For they do need to know, yet only when they are ready.

I was 40 years old when she finally told me of her loses. I greatly respect her for it, despite what it cost her over the decades as well as onto her own untimely passing.

If only my half siblings took the time to understand just what she went through all through both world wars in Romania and all throughout Europe then. 😢

The secrets never mentioned, can also never be learn from. And can cause even resentment if never heard.

The past is never just the past. It's a tool to be learned about. Or else it will be repeated.

My eldest half sister is now gone as well. I'm certain she passed alone despite her silence to her own kids. 😞

I was never told of even her passing.
This is heartbreaking. I do not have the words to comfort you from such a tragic loss. You have time and other children as life goes on despite your grief. Please take good care of you and them. May I also suggest a counsellor or support group? Grizzly bear hugggggssss, girl.
TheCalmOne · 26-30, M
Please respond to my message
🫂 🌹♥️

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