I Know Pain, Grief And Suffering

I don't share this openly often, nor should I, as I often want it away

Now.... everytime is a new experience, I know my life is upside down in some way from his death (but that is also unequivocally my doing too)
I don't have an easy time with the beginning of summer now.

I wish it was different.
And I have grown somewhat accustomed.
For the last two years I have learned to not go to the cottage
(where he drowned)
too much sadness, and I haven't told many this, I watched his body (binoculars) pulled up by the police diver (I was the only one) and I don't know to take that.