I Find That the Grief Journey Is Lonely
Heaven Sent... My sweetest angel,
Do you have any idea how much I miss you? More than you ever know. You are my first thought in the morning and my last at night.
Whoever said that time heals all wounds, lied. I hurt as much today as I did 6 years ago. As the date approaches, I am often on my knees in tears. Yesterday I was crying so hard, I had to pull the car over and lay my head on the steering wheel. How I wish I could have made your life less painful, how I mourn your lost happiness.
Do you hear me tell you I love you? I always think that if I can quiet my mind, I will hear you say “I love you too, mom” but it is wishful thinking.
Did you know that I called your cell phone every single day just to hear your voice one last time?
Did you know that I celebrate your birthday with a cupcake? I light the single candle and honor your birth every single birthday.
Did you see me at the Candlebox concert? I was front row, singing my heart out. I almost know all the words Genevieve. I am sure the band thought who is this crazy old lady? I spoke to the lead guitarist after the concert and told him that Candlebox was your favorite band. I was just there in your place. He actually hugged me.
I went shopping the other day. I saw this pretty little skirt. I looked down and the brand was your name. Next to it was a Roxy sweatshirt. It was too much and I had to leave the store.
Babe, I have been trying to bargain with God. I told him if I had one more day with you, I would hold you in my arms. HE knows I won’t let go though. So please give me just one more minute with my baby so I can tell her how much I love her and miss her. He is not answering my prayer.
So since you are much closer to him than I am, would you do me a favor? Can you ask him to bring back my little chickadees? They need me as much as I need them. You see, I was put on this earth to be a mom and I am lost without someone to take care of. For purely selfish reasons, will you ask him for me?
I never say the “D” word and your name in the same sentence. I tell people I lost you. Because my heart knows one day I will find you again.
So babe, In closing, Know this much to be true:
Until I see you again, know that I love you.
Always,
Your mom
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Do you have any idea how much I miss you? More than you ever know. You are my first thought in the morning and my last at night.
Whoever said that time heals all wounds, lied. I hurt as much today as I did 6 years ago. As the date approaches, I am often on my knees in tears. Yesterday I was crying so hard, I had to pull the car over and lay my head on the steering wheel. How I wish I could have made your life less painful, how I mourn your lost happiness.
Do you hear me tell you I love you? I always think that if I can quiet my mind, I will hear you say “I love you too, mom” but it is wishful thinking.
Did you know that I called your cell phone every single day just to hear your voice one last time?
Did you know that I celebrate your birthday with a cupcake? I light the single candle and honor your birth every single birthday.
Did you see me at the Candlebox concert? I was front row, singing my heart out. I almost know all the words Genevieve. I am sure the band thought who is this crazy old lady? I spoke to the lead guitarist after the concert and told him that Candlebox was your favorite band. I was just there in your place. He actually hugged me.
I went shopping the other day. I saw this pretty little skirt. I looked down and the brand was your name. Next to it was a Roxy sweatshirt. It was too much and I had to leave the store.
Babe, I have been trying to bargain with God. I told him if I had one more day with you, I would hold you in my arms. HE knows I won’t let go though. So please give me just one more minute with my baby so I can tell her how much I love her and miss her. He is not answering my prayer.
So since you are much closer to him than I am, would you do me a favor? Can you ask him to bring back my little chickadees? They need me as much as I need them. You see, I was put on this earth to be a mom and I am lost without someone to take care of. For purely selfish reasons, will you ask him for me?
I never say the “D” word and your name in the same sentence. I tell people I lost you. Because my heart knows one day I will find you again.
So babe, In closing, Know this much to be true:
Until I see you again, know that I love you.
Always,
Your mom
61-69, F
