How to get over the pain, anger, and bitterness of being a victim of bullying?
How can I stop having so much hate for those people and insecurity in me after being bullied?
18-21, M
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assemblingaknob · 26-30, F
I can understand. I was bullied through school and then through university as well. Even my internship year was a time spent in hell, then 2 more years after. I developed severe ptsd. The posts I made here from my old account were awful, full of hatred and despise for everyone involved at different points in my life. It's completely understandable. Don't feel guilt or shame for having these thoughts and emotions.
These are extremely hard and might seem impossible to overcome.
What can help is STAYING AWAY from any triggers. I deleted my facebook, and any other social media, and cut off everyone who would remind me of those people. Never googled their names again, never picked calls from unknown numbers who could potentially be old classmates who would remind me of my bullies.
It took me a few years to move past, and celebrating small successes helped. Things like self care, a productive day, and developing a hobby helped loads. For at least 2 years it was extremely hard to be productive, as my mind would enter ptsd flashbacks every few minutes or so throughout the day, and I was either punching the walls or screaming or hitting myself. This in addition to sleepless nights just exhausted me even more. I couldn't eat because I had no appetite so I had no energy. I had no money to go to therapy because I was unemployed. So for even the 2 minutes or 5 minutes I had between hours of flashbacks, I would work towards my goal. It was extremely slow progress, but I did it. Mostly I only studied for 10 whole minutes in the whole day. On a good day I would have studied an hour. At the end of two years, I had still made significant progress from where I was 2 years back, and it looked bright. Celebrating studying each new page helped me gain my self esteem and self love back.
I just want you to know that you can do it too. 5 minutes effort everyday for 2 years is better than 0 minutes effort for 2 years. Just find a realistic goal that's not too big. It might take you 3 years or 5 or 10 to get there. But you will eventually and it will mean the world to you. And never look them up online. They aren't worth even 1 minute of your time. You are beautiful and capable. You can move on.
These are extremely hard and might seem impossible to overcome.
What can help is STAYING AWAY from any triggers. I deleted my facebook, and any other social media, and cut off everyone who would remind me of those people. Never googled their names again, never picked calls from unknown numbers who could potentially be old classmates who would remind me of my bullies.
It took me a few years to move past, and celebrating small successes helped. Things like self care, a productive day, and developing a hobby helped loads. For at least 2 years it was extremely hard to be productive, as my mind would enter ptsd flashbacks every few minutes or so throughout the day, and I was either punching the walls or screaming or hitting myself. This in addition to sleepless nights just exhausted me even more. I couldn't eat because I had no appetite so I had no energy. I had no money to go to therapy because I was unemployed. So for even the 2 minutes or 5 minutes I had between hours of flashbacks, I would work towards my goal. It was extremely slow progress, but I did it. Mostly I only studied for 10 whole minutes in the whole day. On a good day I would have studied an hour. At the end of two years, I had still made significant progress from where I was 2 years back, and it looked bright. Celebrating studying each new page helped me gain my self esteem and self love back.
I just want you to know that you can do it too. 5 minutes effort everyday for 2 years is better than 0 minutes effort for 2 years. Just find a realistic goal that's not too big. It might take you 3 years or 5 or 10 to get there. But you will eventually and it will mean the world to you. And never look them up online. They aren't worth even 1 minute of your time. You are beautiful and capable. You can move on.