It's stupid but i get anxiety with public restrooms because im afraid i won't pass enough to use the womens room or I'll get thrown out of the buildin

@hartfire i haven't started hormones yet though i pass well as is and im great with hair and makeup and i tend to either dress baggy or form fitting based on how i feel that day.

@apersonnamedit Sounds like you'd be absolutely fine using the Ladies.
One is in a cubicle no matter what the need is - no latrines - hence complete privacy.
Women are usually very polite with each other in there, mostly silent and minding their own business,
very little chat, but sometimes it does occur - a bit of small talk in a warm tone of voice.

I had one very nice interaction not long ago.
I was on the loo. I heard a couple of other women arrive and go into cubicles.
Then the sound of a huge fart and, "sorry!".
The other woman laughed and said, "better here than in the shopping centre!"
I spoke up, "besides, it creates a nice sense of community."
They burst into uproarious laughter.
Once we'd all come out to wash our hands, it turned out we knew each other.
We really are a community in our area.

@hartfire I'm a bit younger than your 80 year old and I don't dress tarty (a little bit sexy perhaps sometimes) and my experience has so far been just the same. No one seems to care how I dress. I have been treated with the utmost courtesy everywhere.

Times really have changed. Unfortunately not everyone has changed with them so there are still a few cavemen about, some of them are here on SW.

@ninalanyon Yes indeed, on all counts.

Very glad you've had positive experiences in most places.

Am very sorry that we have a few bigots here on SW - but I guess it represents a microcosm of the realities out there in the world - well, at least the North American ones.
I think intolerance is a bi-product of ignorance - not enough exposure to a wide range of something unfamiliar.
Public education - movies that tell personal stories, documentaries that add statistics, show all the reasons, show the difference in outcomes for those not permitted to be themselves and those who are, and show how friends and families adjust - these all help people understand.
The more visible and open people are about themselves, the more likely the rearguard will eventually catch up.

@hartfire In 'real life' the only negative experiences I have had while dressed don't have anything to do with the clothes only with the lack of shoes. Several people have found that so shocking that they have shouted across the street.

@ninalanyon In that outfit, I'd guess you're also a greenie and alternative life-styler - what used to be called a hippie. Is that right?
It could be that very conservative people might object to the hippie factor as much as the T.
But in my house you'd be welcome, perhaps even a possible friend.

@hartfire Thank you for those kind words. When I saw "In that outfit ..." in my notifications I feared the worst! :-)

I'm not really a hippie, a few years too young really to be an original hippie and not anywhere near self-confident enough to go completely alternative. Also I'm fond of my creature comforts and the pleasures afforded by high technology. In many ways I'm quite conventional, long engineering career, only once married (well perhaps that makes me unconventional these days), children, own house, moderately expensive car, etc. But my formative years were the 60s and 70s in southern England, progressive rock, fashion consciousness, politics becoming something that young people in secondary schools got involved in, race, sex, and gender becoming topics of conversation, and so on.

But those times, even though I look back on them fondly, were a lot less welcoming to people who don't quite fit. I couldn't have dressed as I am in that picture when I was in my teens or twenties; it would have been an invitation to a lot of aggravation and possibly violence whereas now I am treated with courtesy everywhere I go however I dress.

Now that I am both widowed and retired I'm having, not a second childhood, but a second youth! I can have the pleasures of standing out from the crowd a little without the risks that come with being a pioneer and a rebel! I get the occasional hostile stare and once or twice I have been laughed at but mostly no one seems to care except for a few who have complimented me as they passed me in the street!

Not entirely sure how greenie translates from Oz to England, but ecology and circular economy have been lifelong interests. Everything I'm wearing in that picture is second-hand, mostly from charity shops, some found items (the chain on my right ankle), except for my bra and thong.

Sorry to waffle on so, I use SW as a combination diary and talking therapy!

@ninalanyon My formative years were also the 60's and 70's. I was born in 1956 in London, grew up in Sydney, Australia, and studied art (sculpture) at St Martins in London in the late 70's-early 80's. I saw some of the beginnings of the green movement there at the time, esp. in Wales and Cornwall.

Op shops are great fun for fashions - so many ways to repurpose, invent and self express.

So glad that the world has changed enough for you to be able to be your true self - and that you can have so much fun with it now.

Yep, green(ie) includes ecological awareness, lifestyles and activism (to varying degrees, as well as moving towards a circular economy - anything and everything that reduces global warming and pollution, and helps a sustainable and healthy balance in nature.

Do you get on well with your kids?

What kind of engineering did you do?

One of the technicians on my M.A. course was T. She was a classic car buff, and highly skilled with anything in wood or metal work - a great teacher for me. In her late 50s, she preferred to wear seamed mesh-net stockings, miniskirts, high heels, and jewellery. It definitely offended against the Work, Health and Safety regulations - but the artschool found her too valuable to object. They'd never have allowed the students to get away with such risks. She was one of the people who helped introduce me to T and other non-binary issues.

CD is different - not the same as T by a long shot - and I imagine different for each individual.
One friend, David/Ameliana, says it's all about the sensuality - the feel of the garments. She says she feels more feminine in them and that this expresses an important side of herself. Boat builder by trade. She certainly looks amazing - moves very gracefully - carries it off far better that most cis-women.

@hartfire Wow! Did you ever exhibit any work? I often walk around the sculpture park at the Henie-Onstadt Art Centre and enjoy looking at the huge variety of styles. Here is one of my favourites:
It's called Ragnarokk for the 117th time, I'm embarrassed to say that I had forgotten the name of the artist. Had to look it up, it's by Bjørn Nørgaard from 1985.

Yes I get on well with my children, but if you mean do they have an opinion about my dressing, well I don't really know what they think and I'm careful to tone it down a lot when I am at home. So at home I never wear skirts, a bra, or makeup but I do wear mostly fem or androgynous clothes and sometimes a little jewellery. And last summer I had my ears pierced. The pictures I post on SW are all taken away from home, except for a very few that are taken at home on the rare occasions that all three of them are out at work.

My childhood dream was to be a famous physicist and it all looked good until I got to uni and found that everyone else was also the best in their school and I was suddenly merely average. So after uni I went into electronics instead which had been my hobby for many years. Eventually I started with programming as well out of frustration because the programmers never seemed able to make good use of the hardware that I designed. Eventually I drifted into pure software in the electrical power distribution business. I've never been especially skilful with my hands although I do occasionally do small bits of DIY, repair jewellery and clothes, etc., and I have built a fair amount of electronic gear.

Your trans technician sounds like powerful personality! That's rather different from me, I'm really quite shy and retiring even though it might not seem that way if you look at my posts and pictures here on SW. And of course as you mention CD is rather different from T; I wish that SW would allow the gender field to be free text instead of the short list they have. As for what being a CD is all about, I think you might get a different answer from all of us. For me it started as a bit of silly fun to pass the time in my hotel room after a long day at a conference/workshop with no thought of dressing in public, it was just the sensuality of the underwear. But now it's not just that (and I'm sure it's not just that for your Ameliana either), I feel more me when I am dressed, I stand straighter and feel lighter (even though I have half a kilo extra in each bra cup).