I Have Anxiety

I was having a good think about cognitive therapy, but also about everything it covers!. How your mindset can influence your actions, and mood. And how everything may have developed. But I first reflected on the present!. How I can avoid eye contact, can't take compliments, distance myself, ..and unless 100% sure.. I hardly have confidence in my decisions. So looking at how it has influenced others..it said "No motivation, energy"..lacking in hygiene, like they have given up?...but the next one >>>>> Over compensating!, very well groomed..like a decoy!!.

And I found that interesting??.
I didn't blend very well at school. I was scared when bullied (which sounds too strong)...but picked on, and outnumbered. And I feared letting others in on me having epilepsy...I remember one time playing football and losing possession due to a seizure, and getting shouted at..but they never knew!..I was too scared!.....and I was also....in the wrong body!

A transwoman ( a journey that started after school)...more confidence. But still difficult, especially in the beginning!. "Over compensating???"...A new me?....and life's not long either?..Making a start in early adulthood.....turning into a perfectionist (But don't be fooled!)...I never said "perfect!".

My own worst critic!, a pamper freak! Always trying to get makeup on point, after years of well?? No makeup. Actually? Like others who would use concealer or foundation to hide blemishes. It was a comfort to mask masculinity... But still I end up trying to be on point. I look at my art work too, and I just think "on point?, why not take a photograph??". My poems have a format, always rhyming...and I can't break from trying to be like that...either detail oriented or hard on oneself.

Truth is, I've received so many positives...
I'm trying to mend everything
But that mindset, lacks in confidence
You remain broken xx

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