Dismissive people

My therapist (who was a really odd duck) once said the strangest thing to me (but it clearly stuck with me).

She said... "you don't just make a face like this (she scrunched up her body and face) for no reason. You make a face like that because someone farted in your face."

Her point was... something or someone at some point made you always have that reaction (anger/anxiety/etc) to things. You have to figure out who farted in your face before you can help yourself deal with the reaction.

In my case (being a male), I really took it to heart that I don't get anxious about things without a reason. Now... usually... I can't figure it out on the first try or on the spot... but I learned to try and figure it out. Sometimes I learned how hard my brain worked to hide the answers.

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Men are a little different where we don't even have the anxiety... we almost put it straight into anger and make it part of our personalty. (much worse than dealing with the issue)

My therapist helped get me to a new place. I try to recognize what my "bad reactions" are and apologize and work through them.

This video always makes me laugh about how different men and women are with talking about "issues."

[media=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWcEhtg7W3s]

I wonder if some of what you are saying relates to the differences in the way the "typical" man or woman processes information and reacts to it.

I hate to over-generalize, but I'm going to do it anyway.

In my experience, men tend to be less empathetic than women. I know I am. A man's immediate response is more likely to be an attempt to solve a problem than an attempt to be "reassuring". We're not intending to be dismissive; our innate focus is simply on other things. So, If I appear to be trying to "solve" the problem rather than be "reassuring", maybe it's because there is something deep in my left-brained nature that simply won't shut up.

One of the challenges with anxiety is that the anxious person sees things differently than a more distant observer does. Could it be that your father (or "Mr. Kat") doesn't see the things that are making you anxious in the same way that you do? Maybe their initial attempt at dealing with the issue comes across as "Oh, don't worry about that", which certainly sounds dismissive. Perhaps what they mean by it is more like "In my opinion, that thing you are anxious about seems really unlikely to come to pass". It might even be their attempt to be reassuring, but it's said in a way that comes across as dismissive.

I suggest this because I've been told more than once that I do this exact thing, pretty much exclusively by women and I wouldn't be all that surprised if one tells me that again, very soon.

Men are typically taught from a young age that feelings and sensitivity are a weakness that has to be suppressed.

It's like a breath of fresh air to find a man who remembers that it's okay to feel and show his sensitive side.

You're right. Even in my large family on both my father's and mother's side, I've noticed that most men don't have the patience to listen and look after. The ones who do are rare...

Hugggsss, Kat. 🙁🤗🤗🤗

Egads, invalidating ones feelings is hurtful. Sorry for that.

I had one do that to me here. He labeled it anything but what it was. I think, it was partly that he couldn't handle it. A way of being in denial or it made him guilty.

I hear you .... I’m sorry.

Don’t lose heart, some people are wired cold hardcore - this could be for multiple reasons that have nothing to do with you personally ♥️

Hey Kat, u aren't imagining anything. Mister Kat is pretty ordinary I am sure and men are more cut-off than women from reality itself

I don't know how any woman can live with one, really don't. My parents married for conventionality and look at me..sheeeesh..is there ONE conventional thing I do here...ONE??

Alone is TORTURE though

yup-up-up-up

Thanks Kat and good luck with that promotion!