I Have Anxiety

I get really anxious about sharing my opinions. That is one of the reasons that I created this account... to share my unpopular opinions and get ridiculed and try to learn to beat back the anxiety. I spent all of yesterday having panic attacks because I said something unpopular in another group and got criticized for it.... the criticisms weren't even bad and they sent me into a constant series of panic attacks throughout the day.

My anxiety is a matter of nurture... I had two narcissistic parents, and narcissistic parents are not okay with kids having their own mind. The mental abuse that they are capable of is insane... to this day I find it nearly impossible to talk to almost any authority figure because I am conditioned to fear authority. If people criticize me, my hard-wired reaction is to just shut down and take it instead of standing up for myself... even if I know I'm right and they're clearly being stupid.

There is so much more to it and it is maddening. Since I've started recognizing these things and the smaller concepts involved in them I have been fighting tooth and nail to break free of them, but it seems near impossible. I've made progress, but I feel like with all the effort that I have put into beating this I should be free of it entirely.

I wish I believed that my parents were consciously trying to be the way they are... then I could feel justified in making them suffer for what they did to me. But instead I realize that they are victims of nature and nurture themselves and they have doubtless suffered time and again because of the way they are. Ugh.