I Have Anxiety

It is no longer funny, my Sweet Friend. Every day as the sun sets this monster wraps it's bony hands around my neck and I can't escape. Every day my anxiety gets closer to panic and I can't do anything. I'm drowning, Baby, I'm drowning and the water is cold. I am alone. I'm exercising this loneliness like a muscle. It's the only thing I'll ever know, it's the rest of my life. It won't get better, I can only domesticate it, so it doesn't get worse. I'm swimming in it, fighting and drowning every single day. My racing heart is the sound of every evening, every night. It's just me and my fear - I have always hated wishing the days away, waiting for something constantly, for the summer, for the weekend... because, I used to say, "life is NOW". But NOW, I wait for the end of every day like it's a daily salvation, every Monday Sunday seems a million years away, I count down, weeks, days, hours, minutes, breaths. It hurts so much, I would ask for help if I could take a breath, but I can't. What if I never wake up, Dear Friend, what if I never wake up?