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I Am Sometimes Antisocial

Actually, I'm pretty much always antisocial. I am an introvert through and through. It's not something I'm proud of, I actually hate it. But social situations bring on blurry vision, sweaty palms, increased heart rate, and a shaky voice.

Social media is my only way of interacting with other people, and yet, even keeping up a conversation behind the safety of my phone screen is quite difficult. I get on social media, hoping that I'll find messages, that someone has decided to reach out to me. That's neber really the case.

My Husband has decided to take it upon himself to try and find me friends. Boy, does that make me feel even more pathetic. I hate the thought of being forced to befriend his friends' wives because I am incapable of befriending people on my own.
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Allelse · 36-40, M
Have you always been scared of social situations?
@Allelse It didn't start until 9th grade.
Allelse · 36-40, M
@Pseudoaesthetic Did something happen to you in the 9th grade?
@Allelse No, it's just when it started. My birth mother has it and told me that her social anxiety, bipolar disorder and depression hit around the same time and I have all of that.
Allelse · 36-40, M
And have you sough psychiatric help?
@Allelse I see a serenity therapist every Wednesday.
Allelse · 36-40, M
@Pseudoaesthetic What is that?
@Allelse She plays music while we talk, and is very spiritual, but not religious. She encourages me to go back to medicating naturally with marijuana once my Son is born, and will start me on electronic medication administration record (EMAR)
Allelse · 36-40, M
WHAT THE FUCK!!! Medicating naturally with marijuana?! MARIJUANA! If you have a medical history in your family of bi-polar among other things, stay the fuck away from any mind altering shit!

Go to a doctor, get a referral to a psychiatrist, not some damn voodoo doctor!
@Allelse I was on meds for a good portion of my adolescence. Marijuana is a natural medication and jas many benefits for people with Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety, and other mental illnesses. It may not be for everyone, but it is quite calming and relaxing for me.
Allelse · 36-40, M
@Pseudoaesthetic I said my peace.