Darkness......that deep tunnel vision that excludes all.
I've had this all my life and after 57 years I still have no remedy for those times.
I only hope those that are close/near to me will let me wade through these hours, days, weeks of black morass.
I usually hurt myself more then my surrounding tribe. Blessed are those that are willing to let me go to my dark place and find my way back out.
I'm not suicidal or homicidal. I just lose the ability to cope with every day life and expectations. My happy place is curled up on a deep cushy couch with my cats and music and solitude. Whether it's for a few hours or a few days. I just need that.
Being a "bastard" is your way of saying that you have a need that is being denied. Perhaps you are creatively suppressed or are trapped in a situation you see no answer for. I'm the last to give out sweet platitudes, I simply hate them. What I will say is, there is probably a positive answer to your need and emptiness.
Spend the time to look yourself in the face and find the truth that you may be denying.
I'm currently in a situation that I know the truth of but, making the decision for self preservation is a hurtful and difficult one.
Talk to yourself and be honest. There is an answer.
