Time to make a change with how I interact with people...
Two guys were working out by me and started talking to me. It was an unplanned conversation, so I had no idea what to say and they eventually just walked away. Surprisingly, I don't know why I went into a silent mode.
It reminded me of one time, this was a few years ago, my last year of high school. And every day I would I would sit alone. I would just sit in front of the library because there were these chairs out there. And that was basically what I did that whole year and even basically my whole high school career, I guess you could say. But there was this one time where this girl asked me if I wanted to go sit with her and her friends, in the lunchroom. And I declined.
And even to this day, I still regret that because, you know, she was nice and she was offering company because she saw I was alone. And it's like I don't know. I guess I was just trying to be polite. I said something like, "Oh, no thank you. I appreciate it, but no thanks." It's like, "Oh, no. I don't know why I did that."
It's because, it obviously looked like I didn't have friends. That's why I was sitting by myself. I didn't have other people to be with. So, it's like even in that situation I was self-inflicted and in many ways solitary in a self-deprecating way, taking that on as part of my identity in some way and then just accepting it.
And I can see now how that dramatically closes me off from the potential of other relationships, other opportunities. And that was one opportunity that I regret I didn't take, and I regretted it even like the day after it happened or even right after. I was like, man, why did I do that? You know, it was it was a simple invitation. It was something I could have just taken, and it was like it was right there, but I declined. And you know today it's like I'm over it. I mean, in the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal. But it's like those moments you realize that like they're important and they add up.
So, I need to make some changes. So, that's what I will do.
It reminded me of one time, this was a few years ago, my last year of high school. And every day I would I would sit alone. I would just sit in front of the library because there were these chairs out there. And that was basically what I did that whole year and even basically my whole high school career, I guess you could say. But there was this one time where this girl asked me if I wanted to go sit with her and her friends, in the lunchroom. And I declined.
And even to this day, I still regret that because, you know, she was nice and she was offering company because she saw I was alone. And it's like I don't know. I guess I was just trying to be polite. I said something like, "Oh, no thank you. I appreciate it, but no thanks." It's like, "Oh, no. I don't know why I did that."
It's because, it obviously looked like I didn't have friends. That's why I was sitting by myself. I didn't have other people to be with. So, it's like even in that situation I was self-inflicted and in many ways solitary in a self-deprecating way, taking that on as part of my identity in some way and then just accepting it.
And I can see now how that dramatically closes me off from the potential of other relationships, other opportunities. And that was one opportunity that I regret I didn't take, and I regretted it even like the day after it happened or even right after. I was like, man, why did I do that? You know, it was it was a simple invitation. It was something I could have just taken, and it was like it was right there, but I declined. And you know today it's like I'm over it. I mean, in the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal. But it's like those moments you realize that like they're important and they add up.
So, I need to make some changes. So, that's what I will do.
