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My best friend recently ghosted me

I am trying not to assume why she ghosted me. I am trying not to dwell on it. Might not have had anything to do with me. Maybe, she is going through something personal. I don't know. I don't know, if I will ever know. Only she truly has answers. A part of me is relieved that she is gone. A part of me misses her deeply, to the point that it physically hurts. I feel extremly guilty for what I am about to admit. She was what I would have considered to be a very high maintenance friend. I always tried my best to be there for her. Anytime she needed me. She has a very small inner circle. I was one of the main people she would confide it. She would often tell me how lonely she was. She would tell me how I was one of the only people she could talk to. One of the only people who helped her to feel heard. For the first couple of years of our friendship I felt honored to be someone she could confide in. I was honored to be someone she trusted. I really enjoyed her company and being around her. She is a good person....After my dad took his own life. I noticed, that our dynamic had changed. As the months went by, I noticed that I had changed. He passed away almost exactly a year ago. I had found that instead of feeling honored by being able to be there for my best friend. I started to feel resentful. I started to feel suffocated by her. I started to feel angry, that she felt the "need' to vent during every social interaction we had. I started to feel angry, that most of our interactions seemed to revolve around her. That almost every conversation had to do with her and her feelings. The friendship started to feel very one sided, emotionally so to speak. Got to a point where when she would "open up" to me about something. Or was looking for emotional support, I didn't "care" to be there. I dreaded when she asked me to hangout. I would always have to mentally prepare myself, the day before our meet up. Prepare myself to be around her. Of course, I listened but, I wasn't really. I found it hard to show compassion. I can't explain it, I started to feel indifferent. I was very confused by this. As, I like to think of myself as an active listener and a very empathetic person. Instead, it felt like I was playing therapist. I felt resentful of her feeling the need to rely on me so much. Maybe my feelings are valid or maybe I am just an A-hole. Either way she is no longer in my life. She is a good person and I wish her the best... Thank you to anyone who took the time to read my novel lol
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SUPERVlXEN · F
My ghosts are missed and I’ll surely not know what exactly they’re going through or if it’s related to my person.