Suicide hotlines are garbage

I am not feeling the best. I don't like reaching out often. But for once I did... I waited for ten minutes and I was still waiting. That in itself made me want to end it more. Do they not realise some peoples urgency? Im not even sure why I even bothered to call because this isn't my first awful experience with a hotline.

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Gusman · 61-69, M

There are so many people in your situation. There are nowhere near enough people manning the hotlines.
As a stop gap measure for yourself, try writing down how you are feeling.
No need to think about what to write, pick up a pen and write whatever comes out.
It gets those thoughts out of your head instead of them going around and around.
Write until there is nothing left to come out.
Do not read what you have written. Destroy it and throw it in the bin.
Reading what you have written puts it back in your head.
Just a suggestion, it worked for me when I was at a very low point in my life.