Almost 6 months since the last time I online here. Nothing's changed and yet still a problematic frog.

Hi! 🐸 I honestly don't know what to say anymore, but yeah, I'm here again. Why? Because I feel like shit again and need to vent in the air or if there are still people out there who want to read this text. I want to die—honestly, but idk how. I know so many ways, but I can't hurt myself; I am willing, though. I don't know what holds me back from doing it or what's convincing me that I don't have to do it. I guess I still have this conscience. I feel like I know everything that is wrong with me, but I cannot help myself alone. And no one there for me to help. I'm hopeless and useless. I am not a good person, and I can't remember the last time I was or if I ever was one. And because of that, I can't say either if all of this happening to me is my karma for all the bad stuff I did. All I can remember is suffering. Sucks, right? I want to be a frog and bury myself in mud when the sun hurts me. I want to enjoy and feel my existence when it rains. But sadly I can't; God created me as a human. Again, I want to die, but I can't.