Almost 6 months since the last time I online here. Nothing's changed and yet still a problematic frog.

Hi! 🐸 I honestly don't know what to say anymore, but yeah, I'm here again. Why? Because I feel like shit again and need to vent in the air or if there are still people out there who want to read this text. I want to die—honestly, but idk how. I know so many ways, but I can't hurt myself; I am willing, though. I don't know what holds me back from doing it or what's convincing me that I don't have to do it. I guess I still have this conscience. I feel like I know everything that is wrong with me, but I cannot help myself alone. And no one there for me to help. I'm hopeless and useless. I am not a good person, and I can't remember the last time I was or if I ever was one. And because of that, I can't say either if all of this happening to me is my karma for all the bad stuff I did. All I can remember is suffering. Sucks, right? I want to be a frog and bury myself in mud when the sun hurts me. I want to enjoy and feel my existence when it rains. But sadly I can't; God created me as a human. Again, I want to die, but I can't.

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SinlessOnslaught · M

Wouldn't anyone in your life be sad?

iamrainfrog · 18-21, F

@SinlessOnslaught I think no one would. And if they did, I hope they realize that they’re also part of the reason. But yeah, like I said, I can’t hurt myself now.

SinlessOnslaught · M

@iamrainfrog Why now specifically?

iamrainfrog · 18-21, F

@SinlessOnslaught I mean, every time I think about doing it, I end up not doing it.

SinlessOnslaught · M

@iamrainfrog You're 18-21. I know two decades on this earth seems like a lot right now but it's really nothing. Whether anyone around you (or you) would realize it or not, someone your age taking their own life would be a massive tragedy. Death is not pretty. ❤‍🩹

iamrainfrog · 18-21, F

@SinlessOnslaught can i ask? How can you say that death isnt pretty? We all gonna end up with that right? Also, being dead also means you can't feel or experience bad things anymore in a sense. Haha

SinlessOnslaught · M

@iamrainfrog We're all gonna end up that way eventually, unfortunately.

It's especially ugly when it happens to a young person. You deserve to spend your life happy and healthy. Not dead.

True, once it happens, you won't feel it or think about it. You just leave behind something horrible for anyone who you may not have been aware cared. If not family or a friend then a first responder who will have to see the aftermath and live with it for the rest of their life.

Death is ugly ugly ugly and you don't deserve to die.

iamrainfrog · 18-21, F

@SinlessOnslaught Thank you for that. I can feel from your comment that you truly care for others. You’re right that everyone deserves to be happy and healthy, and maybe for some people it isn’t easy, but everyone still deserves that. Even me — I’m hoping that everyone can feel that, but in reality, there are some who don’t. We can just assume the best and hope that everyone survives in their own journey.

SinlessOnslaught · M

@iamrainfrog I could care for others or not. You still wouldn't deserve to die.

Obviously I can't control you but I really hope you wouldn't do it. I hope you survive in your journey too.

iamrainfrog · 18-21, F

@SinlessOnslaught Well, let’s see, haha. I don’t know either. Maybe your comment will pop up in my head one day when I’m thinking about that thing again — and maybe it’ll save me, right? Haha. Thank you for this, by the way.

SinlessOnslaught · M

@iamrainfrog I wish you knew. You don't deserve to die.

iamrainfrog · 18-21, F

@SinlessOnslaught Don’t waste your wish on me — just kidding. Thanks, I kind of wish for that too.

SinlessOnslaught · M

@iamrainfrog It couldn't be wasted.