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I've been tired of life the way I am, and being me

Sometimes I feel like the world left me behind and nobody cares, like I'm dead weight drifting down a stream. Sometimes it feels like no matter what I do it will never matter, like I'm invisible and it's some sort of karmic punishment for something.

I vape and I know it's not good for me but it feels like the plaster that's holding me together sometimes. I work really hard to avoid these feelings, and to have a good life in the future. It's everything I've done for years, I'm so scared of it not turning out that way.

Maybe I'm the kind of person who needs SSRIS but it makes me so worried about what it will do to me long-term. They make me worried, but I just want it to stop sometimes. To not have to work out and run to feel something like what normal is. It feels like my life's on hard mode every day, and I'm so exhausted.

Sometimes it feels like I'm chasing a dream, but I don't know if it's possible. I feel like I dont get something every other person knows, and I don't know how to just be happy.

That's it

 
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