I am struggling with every part of my life
My mom is dying, my brother is breaking down from the stress of handling everything alone. We have no family to rely on. I have an uncle who is still living, but he couldn't care less about helping my brother since I'm all the way across the country and can't fly back to Tennessee. My dad is still living, but he couldn't care less either, plus he recently had a stroke and refuses to go to the hospital.
Because of the stress of all that, my own health conditions are flaring up, causing me to have to use more FMLA days, which is causing my paychecks to be lower, etc. I'm still getting by, thanks to buying extremely cheap groceries (rice and beans, potatoes, etc) and cutting out any spending that isn't for the basics, but I'm starting therapy again on the 14th, which will be a $50 copay each visit. So there's another expense to add to the pile. I can't NOT go to therapy though- unless I REALLY want to spiral. I need a regular talking session to keep me sane, and I have meds that I need to keep my mood stable (bipolar disorder type 2). I have no friends here, no family, and ex bf is detached (not that I expect anything from him anyway).
I feel bad for admitting this, but I wish my brother would stop using me as his outlet for all his depression and anxiety. I have my own depression and anxiety, and when he dumps on me, it only doubles my already heavy load. I know he needs someone to talk to, and I have recommended therapy to him as well, but he refuses. He told me he was fired from his job because of having to be absent so much on account of Mom's health. Well, yesterday he admitted he wasn't let go, he had QUIT, so now he's not eligible for unemployment. That's his own fault, and I am more than a little pissed that he lied to me at first. Makes me wonder what else he's lying about. Yet another family member I can't trust. 😮💨
I'm so ready to just detach from every single thing and person in my life and to hell with what people assume. Call me selfish, call me disloyal, call me cold. I don't care. Caring for family never did a damned thing for me and frankly I have nothing left to give. Consider me an empty vessel that can no longer be poured from. 🏺
Because of the stress of all that, my own health conditions are flaring up, causing me to have to use more FMLA days, which is causing my paychecks to be lower, etc. I'm still getting by, thanks to buying extremely cheap groceries (rice and beans, potatoes, etc) and cutting out any spending that isn't for the basics, but I'm starting therapy again on the 14th, which will be a $50 copay each visit. So there's another expense to add to the pile. I can't NOT go to therapy though- unless I REALLY want to spiral. I need a regular talking session to keep me sane, and I have meds that I need to keep my mood stable (bipolar disorder type 2). I have no friends here, no family, and ex bf is detached (not that I expect anything from him anyway).
I feel bad for admitting this, but I wish my brother would stop using me as his outlet for all his depression and anxiety. I have my own depression and anxiety, and when he dumps on me, it only doubles my already heavy load. I know he needs someone to talk to, and I have recommended therapy to him as well, but he refuses. He told me he was fired from his job because of having to be absent so much on account of Mom's health. Well, yesterday he admitted he wasn't let go, he had QUIT, so now he's not eligible for unemployment. That's his own fault, and I am more than a little pissed that he lied to me at first. Makes me wonder what else he's lying about. Yet another family member I can't trust. 😮💨
I'm so ready to just detach from every single thing and person in my life and to hell with what people assume. Call me selfish, call me disloyal, call me cold. I don't care. Caring for family never did a damned thing for me and frankly I have nothing left to give. Consider me an empty vessel that can no longer be poured from. 🏺
41-45, F
