Sid the sloth struggles
It’s not easy waking up every day and realizing you bear an uncanny resemblance to Sid the Sloth from Ice Age.
I smile in photos? Boom—instant Sid.
I blink too slow? Sid.
Allergies make my eyes puffy? Extra Sid.
I try to look cute in selfies and somehow end up looking like I just lost my acorn.
It’s gotten to the point where children in grocery stores recognize me. One kid pointed at me and shouted, “MOM, IT’S THE FUNNY SQUIRREL THING!” I didn’t have the heart to correct him. I just waved.
I tried contouring once. Thought I looked snatched. My friend said I looked “like Sid got into theater school.” Thanks, Emily.
Dating? A disaster. One guy told me I had “animated energy.” Bro, just say Sid and go.
The worst part? I’ve leaned into it now. I own it. I say things like “Hey guys, I’m just hanging on by one claw.” People think it’s a bit. It’s not a bit. It’s my life.
But you know what? Sid was loyal, funny, and had a solid friend group that didn’t mind the occasional eye drift. So maybe looking like Sid isn’t the worst thing.
Still... if anyone knows a good brow specialist or someone who can teach me how to blink less chaotically, DMs are open.
I smile in photos? Boom—instant Sid.
I blink too slow? Sid.
Allergies make my eyes puffy? Extra Sid.
I try to look cute in selfies and somehow end up looking like I just lost my acorn.
It’s gotten to the point where children in grocery stores recognize me. One kid pointed at me and shouted, “MOM, IT’S THE FUNNY SQUIRREL THING!” I didn’t have the heart to correct him. I just waved.
I tried contouring once. Thought I looked snatched. My friend said I looked “like Sid got into theater school.” Thanks, Emily.
Dating? A disaster. One guy told me I had “animated energy.” Bro, just say Sid and go.
The worst part? I’ve leaned into it now. I own it. I say things like “Hey guys, I’m just hanging on by one claw.” People think it’s a bit. It’s not a bit. It’s my life.
But you know what? Sid was loyal, funny, and had a solid friend group that didn’t mind the occasional eye drift. So maybe looking like Sid isn’t the worst thing.
Still... if anyone knows a good brow specialist or someone who can teach me how to blink less chaotically, DMs are open.
26-30, MVIP
