I'm catastrophising over my life this morning

It feels messy, the house feels messy too. It needs redecorating and I have been trying to find the motivation for such a big job. The thought of meeting new people and bringing any of them home is terrifying right now. The fear spirals into thinking "Who would want this?" who would want to live a life where they end up helping me with silly little things that most people just seem to be able to do without a struggle.

I have a lot to give, but I am not an easy person to live with, I should know, I do it every day.