zonavar68 · 56-60, M
You need to get rid of him or leave and live somewhere else. It's bad when a man mistreats a woman (your experience) and equally as bad when a woman mistreats a man (my experience).
My ex (mum to my 7 y/o) got panicky when I left her and wanted to go to counselling on her terms, then when we tried mediation (twice) it didn't work. I left her and have lived by myself for nearly 7 yrs now.
If your man is the genuine father to your child, he has as much responsibility for parenting as you regardless what he might think. Parenting is about what's best for the children - not what's best for the parents.
My ex (mum to my 7 y/o) got panicky when I left her and wanted to go to counselling on her terms, then when we tried mediation (twice) it didn't work. I left her and have lived by myself for nearly 7 yrs now.
If your man is the genuine father to your child, he has as much responsibility for parenting as you regardless what he might think. Parenting is about what's best for the children - not what's best for the parents.
GLITTER · 36-40, F
I think as hard as it is, you’re trying to hold things together whilst he’s in meltdown mode. He needs to take the time to decide what he wants in life. Does he want a family? Does he want to be in the relationship? Can he prioritise you and the baby over his (what sounds like) very dependant family? I know it’s not a choice that either of you have made to have a baby, but this is where you’re at now, and there’s nothing more you can do but deal with the now, of which I think you are excelling at whilst he is floundering. Maybe it’s jealously on his part that you are able to thrive in this situation and he feels incompetent. Regardless thats his shit that he needs to resolve. I don’t honestly think he can cope with everything at once. If it was me I would give him an ultimatum now - give him a set time for him to find himself and if he can’t put practices into place to show you he has stepped up to the situation, it’s time for you then to make a decision. You cant keep living with this stress hun, there’s has to be a finish line for you both. And to be dragging the little one here there and everywhere because he can’t manage his emotions is not fair at all. I would 100% not engage in these argument with him anymore, it’s pointless, it’s achieving nothing and triggering your PTSD. If he starts shouting just walk away and explain you’ll talk with him when he is calm. I know you probably want to make this work, but you are doing all the things to try whilst he seems to be doing nothing. He needs to make his choices now. Time to man up!!
GLITTER · 36-40, F
@Mellowgirl then he will lose the most precious thing to him in the world. I can only imagine how many times you’ve had these conversations with him. It’s his place now to stand up or fuck it up, and only he can make that decision. I don’t think he is looking at the bigger picture here. Probably just fighting the closest fire to him at the time which we all know is never sustainable.
Also regards his sister I think they’re taking advantage and are probably just used to sponging off him and are never going to give up that luxury lifestyle for nothing. As much as it’s going to hurt he needs to set boundaries with them without thinking he is going to be the black sheep of the family just by prioritising his life.
It sounds to me like it’s you or them when all he needs to do is balance the two.
It’s not that I don’t feel bad for him but he has kinda done it to himself.
You’ve done all you can 💖💖
Also regards his sister I think they’re taking advantage and are probably just used to sponging off him and are never going to give up that luxury lifestyle for nothing. As much as it’s going to hurt he needs to set boundaries with them without thinking he is going to be the black sheep of the family just by prioritising his life.
It sounds to me like it’s you or them when all he needs to do is balance the two.
It’s not that I don’t feel bad for him but he has kinda done it to himself.
You’ve done all you can 💖💖
twiigss · M
That's not a healthy relationship and until he changes, until he can have healthy and calm discussions, in my mind it's going to be this me against you feeling in the relationship.
He would be lucky to have you and baby but I believe he's highly jeopardized, if not already ruined that chance.
Plus if he threatens you with breaking up, there's going to be a lot of that in the relationship. Better to be without him and maybe someone else who will care for you and baby.
He would be lucky to have you and baby but I believe he's highly jeopardized, if not already ruined that chance.
Plus if he threatens you with breaking up, there's going to be a lot of that in the relationship. Better to be without him and maybe someone else who will care for you and baby.
If you have family/any help at all, utilize it. Is he giving you any kind of support? Financially? Make sure he is, because men do this quite often, they vanish when things get hard like it will all go away. But you deserve help.
You and your baby deserve love and care. I hope you are able to find it, but single parenting is not impossible and you will find strength you never knew you had for your little one 🖤
You and your baby deserve love and care. I hope you are able to find it, but single parenting is not impossible and you will find strength you never knew you had for your little one 🖤
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@MarbleMarvel he doesn't help me financially. When he lived here he paid for food. He now buys the baby stuff and formula in bulk but it's all at his home. So I bought some myself. Because I'm not going to be sat waiting for him
@Mellowgirl is child support and option? Going through the legal system?
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@MarbleMarvel eventually yes... He's just continuously telling me how selfish I am and that his parents are missing out on seeing their grandchild. He made sacrifices to be with me and I've made none. And it was never about us if I'm doing all of this... And I'm not updating him about his child.
Gangstress · 41-45, F
Basically break up with him
Hes depressed and doing f all about it B
You and i both know that he needs to take steps to resolve this. But he isnt.
This is a horrible situation for you to be in and baby hun.
I say get out now whilst its bad otherwise youll be forever going through this.
He isnt put his new family first at all and to put your emotions aside like that is completely off imo.
Just imagine if there was no baby ws involved. Would you still want to be with him.
Mans a child and needs to grow the fuck up (sorry i know thats really harsh] but i love you x
Hes depressed and doing f all about it B
You and i both know that he needs to take steps to resolve this. But he isnt.
This is a horrible situation for you to be in and baby hun.
I say get out now whilst its bad otherwise youll be forever going through this.
He isnt put his new family first at all and to put your emotions aside like that is completely off imo.
Just imagine if there was no baby ws involved. Would you still want to be with him.
Mans a child and needs to grow the fuck up (sorry i know thats really harsh] but i love you x
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@Gangstress I don't really want to break up with him.
But its feeling like the only way forward.
I don't really understand why he doesn't feel as uncomfortable as I do living with his sister and her boyfriend knowing they get up to stuff in the next room.
He took on the responsibility of being her parent, paying for her and now he's stuck. Because even he admitted things aren't easy, so her moving out won't be soon.
But he refuses to come over here simply because my shower isn't the best.
I could fix that I just never felt the need to as Im not as tall as him so I don't need to raise it as high as he does .
But its feeling like the only way forward.
I don't really understand why he doesn't feel as uncomfortable as I do living with his sister and her boyfriend knowing they get up to stuff in the next room.
He took on the responsibility of being her parent, paying for her and now he's stuck. Because even he admitted things aren't easy, so her moving out won't be soon.
But he refuses to come over here simply because my shower isn't the best.
I could fix that I just never felt the need to as Im not as tall as him so I don't need to raise it as high as he does .
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@V00doo so yesterday I planned to go to a mum and baby group but baby wasn't having it. With the wet weather I just put it down to a off day. And I will try again on Thursday.
I'm just tired... And not just with this. With life. I feel like I take 2 steps forward only to take 10 backwards
I'm just tired... And not just with this. With life. I feel like I take 2 steps forward only to take 10 backwards
