I feel like I'm living a nightmare
I am currently living as a single mum.
My mother has been helping me out by walking the dog 1st thing in the morning.
I then do the afternoon and we alternate the evening walks, as she has been mentioning that this is really tiring her out.
This has help substantially as I don't have a lift in my building so I don't then have to bundle up baby in his pram just to walk the dog.
If I need to get some food shopping in on the evenings mum's at mine with baby I can run to the local shops.
I've been cooking her dinner and doing her laundry which I also iron to ensure I help her out with any chores she is unable to get to.
If you know me, I've lived here for 14 years this September.
It's a 1 bedroom flat, rented from the local authority.
The main issues here are the toilet, if you press the flusher and hold it on for too long it keeps water flowing through so the next time you come to flush you can't.
The second one being the shower pressure is really low. If you life the shower hose too high the water completely cuts out.
I've made it work for myself for the length of time I've been here and in all honesty I love it because it's mine.
When my partner and I got together, he told me he had bought a place but its in a area that is being developed so there is a retail park opposite the A13/M25.
So that means there's a lot of building works and not a lot else going on.
After being there for 3 weeks I felt isolated, lonely and just trapped. I referred to it as a desert island.
He lives with his sister and her boyfriend who are in the 2nd bedroom.
I had reservations about going over there pre-baby.
Because at the time he also had a friend living on his sofa bed and a really aggressive dog.
He wanted me to go over there to visit, so once the friend moved and the sister and her boyfriend went on holiday I did.
It turned out that I found out we were pregnant.
When we discussed our life going forward, I had agreed I would try to make things work by going over there.
He reassured me his sister would help out, that they were mature and help out with chores etc so I wouldn't really need to do much and could focus on the baby.
That's has not been the case.
Since being there basic courtesies like, tidying up after themselves, greeting people in the house when they enter a room or get up. Helping with the baby. Hasn't actually happened.
To make matters worse in the 2 years my partner has lived in his place he's made friends with the caretaker only.
So walking around with the dog, has felt more so lonely.
I was naive when dating this guy. Because I didn't expect to fall pregnant so quickly , and yes I was being careful. I have been in prior relationships too and haven't had such issues once I came out other methods of birth control.
I thought we may have been dating a few years, travel, get married and by then his sister and her boyfriend would have moved out.
We could then consider selling up to move somewhere a bit more lively.
Anyways I've been moody and tried to avoid bringing everything to light immediately because I can't always be sure if it's not hormone related or environmental.
Unable to be able to find an appropriate way to express what's wrong, it leads to massive arguments.
Well actually one sided arguments. He shouts and does a 3 hour monologue and I get in a few sentences here and there. Then he takes my words and twists them so I go silent.
Consequently I've ended up coming back to my place to be a single parent. Because I just don't feel comfortable or safe under those conditions.
I don't feel safe because I've mentioned that his shouting triggers my PTSD. I've not been made to feel welcome.
I feel isolated because I don't know anyone and the few people I do are rude.
Lastly when we argue he threatens me with breaking up.
I don't drive so what exactly am I supposed to do under those circumstances when being kicked out because he's finished with me.
I guess it's true when they say "fools rush in!"
He doesn't want to try couples therapy so here I am. In limbo.
My mother has been helping me out by walking the dog 1st thing in the morning.
I then do the afternoon and we alternate the evening walks, as she has been mentioning that this is really tiring her out.
This has help substantially as I don't have a lift in my building so I don't then have to bundle up baby in his pram just to walk the dog.
If I need to get some food shopping in on the evenings mum's at mine with baby I can run to the local shops.
I've been cooking her dinner and doing her laundry which I also iron to ensure I help her out with any chores she is unable to get to.
If you know me, I've lived here for 14 years this September.
It's a 1 bedroom flat, rented from the local authority.
The main issues here are the toilet, if you press the flusher and hold it on for too long it keeps water flowing through so the next time you come to flush you can't.
The second one being the shower pressure is really low. If you life the shower hose too high the water completely cuts out.
I've made it work for myself for the length of time I've been here and in all honesty I love it because it's mine.
When my partner and I got together, he told me he had bought a place but its in a area that is being developed so there is a retail park opposite the A13/M25.
So that means there's a lot of building works and not a lot else going on.
After being there for 3 weeks I felt isolated, lonely and just trapped. I referred to it as a desert island.
He lives with his sister and her boyfriend who are in the 2nd bedroom.
I had reservations about going over there pre-baby.
Because at the time he also had a friend living on his sofa bed and a really aggressive dog.
He wanted me to go over there to visit, so once the friend moved and the sister and her boyfriend went on holiday I did.
It turned out that I found out we were pregnant.
When we discussed our life going forward, I had agreed I would try to make things work by going over there.
He reassured me his sister would help out, that they were mature and help out with chores etc so I wouldn't really need to do much and could focus on the baby.
That's has not been the case.
Since being there basic courtesies like, tidying up after themselves, greeting people in the house when they enter a room or get up. Helping with the baby. Hasn't actually happened.
To make matters worse in the 2 years my partner has lived in his place he's made friends with the caretaker only.
So walking around with the dog, has felt more so lonely.
I was naive when dating this guy. Because I didn't expect to fall pregnant so quickly , and yes I was being careful. I have been in prior relationships too and haven't had such issues once I came out other methods of birth control.
I thought we may have been dating a few years, travel, get married and by then his sister and her boyfriend would have moved out.
We could then consider selling up to move somewhere a bit more lively.
Anyways I've been moody and tried to avoid bringing everything to light immediately because I can't always be sure if it's not hormone related or environmental.
Unable to be able to find an appropriate way to express what's wrong, it leads to massive arguments.
Well actually one sided arguments. He shouts and does a 3 hour monologue and I get in a few sentences here and there. Then he takes my words and twists them so I go silent.
Consequently I've ended up coming back to my place to be a single parent. Because I just don't feel comfortable or safe under those conditions.
I don't feel safe because I've mentioned that his shouting triggers my PTSD. I've not been made to feel welcome.
I feel isolated because I don't know anyone and the few people I do are rude.
Lastly when we argue he threatens me with breaking up.
I don't drive so what exactly am I supposed to do under those circumstances when being kicked out because he's finished with me.
I guess it's true when they say "fools rush in!"
He doesn't want to try couples therapy so here I am. In limbo.
31-35, F
