Sad
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I just wish I could find at least one person who was genuinely interested in me and wants to actively pursue me but that's out of reach

Not a single person is like oooh hey they're cute I wanna ask them out or oh hey they're hot I want to get to know them.
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Not likely to happen when you have such a poor self image as you’ve been expressing here for years. If you want change, you have to make a change. No one’s gonna come knocking at your door and do it for you.