I feel bad

Because my friends worry about me. They stress about whether I've eaten or not. They stress that I'll become an alcoholic or do drugs. I feel so bad because i dont want to cause them stress but i do even if i dont do anything concerning. I feel like i affect them in a bad way and thats not what friends should do. I shouldnt make her cry because shes worried about me. And they try to give me advice and help me but im not to the point where im gonna listen. I dont want to get better yet its toxic and horrible but i dont. I want to see how bad it can get before i fix it. That makes me feel like shit because the longer i go without trying to fix it the more worried they are. Its so bad of me to do this to them and it makes me want to die.