Feeling so dead inside

I feel like I've been forcing a relationship. We definitely had a fire in the beginning but at one point, a long time now, I've felt like in order to make her happy, to make her feel wanted and loved, to have my full attention, I had to sacrifice my family and friends for that.

And as much as I tried not to, I know deep down I resented her for that. I know I've done her wrong in the past but I wanted to make it work. Make up for my mistakes. But really I just have no more interest in being involved anymore, and I find it so hard to connect back with the people I left behind in my life now. I feel scared to message, I'd deleted my social presence in the middle of the relationship and I'm not keen to get back... I've never felt so trapped in my own faults and mistakes

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riseofthemachine · 41-45, M

Your afraid of being alone cause on your own is too painful .
At the start u said u were on fire and I removed everything and everyone from your life and u want to get that back .
That was a huge high u got from the relationship which made u completely whole , so what was the point of needing anyone else , so u removed everyone from your life .
I done the same , not to that extent , but years relationships would make u whole which there’s nothing wrong with that , but getting too involved and over doing yourself in a relationship, that’s where all the pain comes in and worries . Your not doing too bad .
I ended up in a pysche ward for 6 weeks and a year and half of suicidal thoughts , look back it was the best thing that happened me cause over all the pain I went through I don’t dive in too quickly these days .
And it’s not that I lost the love for it but pain teaches u a lesson .
I was gonna thank me ex for that .
Don’t dive in too quickly next time cause when u dive in quickly ( and try sort it quickly ) you’ll have more worries than just a relationship cause the mind can led to mental health issues .
Will I tell u what it is and it’s the most important one of all , loosing your soul.