Feeling so dead inside

I feel like I've been forcing a relationship. We definitely had a fire in the beginning but at one point, a long time now, I've felt like in order to make her happy, to make her feel wanted and loved, to have my full attention, I had to sacrifice my family and friends for that.

And as much as I tried not to, I know deep down I resented her for that. I know I've done her wrong in the past but I wanted to make it work. Make up for my mistakes. But really I just have no more interest in being involved anymore, and I find it so hard to connect back with the people I left behind in my life now. I feel scared to message, I'd deleted my social presence in the middle of the relationship and I'm not keen to get back... I've never felt so trapped in my own faults and mistakes