Feeling so dead inside

I feel like I've been forcing a relationship. We definitely had a fire in the beginning but at one point, a long time now, I've felt like in order to make her happy, to make her feel wanted and loved, to have my full attention, I had to sacrifice my family and friends for that.

And as much as I tried not to, I know deep down I resented her for that. I know I've done her wrong in the past but I wanted to make it work. Make up for my mistakes. But really I just have no more interest in being involved anymore, and I find it so hard to connect back with the people I left behind in my life now. I feel scared to message, I'd deleted my social presence in the middle of the relationship and I'm not keen to get back... I've never felt so trapped in my own faults and mistakes

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BeefySenpie · M

Sacrificing friends and family for a partner is a definite sign of toxicity

Samael

@BeefySenpie Yeah, she's kind of told me this too but at the same time no words from her could make me feel comfortable reaching out to my friends and family. To the point where she even tried to telling me to reach out to them.

She made the point that I don't really have people who care in my life because since being with her I haven't heard much from my family/friends. I didn't engage with them much if at all, but I still reached out every now and then. I had no argument about whether or how they cared about me but it made me so numb, but so hurt, reading a message from my parents saying they haven't heard my voice in 3 weeks and feeling like I still can't talk to them.