Be yourself.

Be yourself! This is the worst advice I’ve ever received. Yourself is going to have problems. Actually? Everyone has problems, and if you’re unfortunate enough to have problems so bad that no one likes you, then you get even more damaging advice. People tell you that you have to change now. That you have to be better.

You can’t change who you are. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot about ourselves we can improve. You can learn how to live a healthier life, cope with, and ultimately manage your problems in a way that doesn’t make you want to commit suicide, but ultimately it’s what you can’t change that people judge you for.

For example, if you have a mental illness. Say, depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, you name it. There’s many kinds of typically trauma induced conditions. Sometimes you’re just born that way though. All of these don’t just go away. They’re here to stay no matter what you do. They’re a quirk, a unique trait you have that explains the way you think. Still don’t believe me? Here’s another example, if you have an IQ of 100 which is perfectly average, you can’t just train to have an IQ over 130 becoming a genius. It doesn’t work like that.

There’s many more examples of these limitations we all have making us who we are. The unchanging reality that must be endured. So you shouldn’t be yourself because that’s an issue for people. You’re not good enough. Yet you also can’t really change because that’s not possible. You have limits. People will tell you to do one of these two things and they’re wrong. So what can you do? You have to make the most of what you are. You’ll find this is most of life. Discovering what you can’t change and therefore learning how to make the most of it.

Life is not something to accept as it is. Nor is it something to change. There’s a third option that people don’t seem to understand. It’s taking everything that currently is, and adding to it. No! Don’t modify it and make it something else. No! Don’t look at the facts and say that’s all there is. Add to it. I’m asking you to create something here. Don’t corrupt with a judgment on what it is and therefore what it must be. These are only part of the picture no matter how accurate that detail may be.

There’s a wonderful bigger picture you’re slowly creating over time even if where you currently are is considered problematic. I hate the term “mental illness”. There’s nothing wrong with you like the world would have you believe when they’re trying to sell you something. You simply don’t have enough added to you yet.

Why is it that we love kids and try to add everything positive we can to them but we forget that adults need this too? We don’t look at a child struggling and say, “look at everything wrong with you”. We try to teach them. Yet we look at adults who were never taught and that’s exactly what we say to them. We say, ”you have so much wrong with you”. It’s heartbreaking.

You’re not sick in the head. You’re a beautiful human being and I wouldn’t have you become anything else. You just need some additions. The right ones. Everyone has the ability to create these. You don’t need to be an artist for that. You simply need to make value in what is. Not what isn’t. Life is meaningless, and this is why you can’t be happy with things as they are, but you also can’t make it become meaningful either. All you can do is see it as more after you give it meaning.

I’m not going to ask you to be yourself and set you up for failure. I also won’t ask you to change because that’s cruel when you can’t. All I’ll ask is that you recognize worth as something you make, and not as something that happens. Do this and everything bad becomes good.

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Misanthropic · 26-30, M

I don't think that being told to be yourself is the worst advice ever but it depends on what you want from life... if you want everyone to like you then don't be yourself.

There will be challenges if you are yourself of course especially if who you are is a dick and there is a scale of how much you should reveal about yourself for example most thieves don't go around telling everyone that they are stealing because they'd get caught. We live in an age where people have this warped idea that everyone has to know everything about them.

You can’t change who you are. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot about ourselves we can improve. You can learn how to live a healthier life, cope with, and ultimately manage your problems in a way that doesn’t make you want to commit suicide, but ultimately it’s what you can’t change that people judge you for

I can change and have done, sometimes life demands it, sometimes you get out of a situation that brought something out of you and sometimes you change your mind about certain things.

I don't think your IQ or mental health conditions determine who you are they can certainly impact who you are but they alone do not define you.

Why is it that we love kids and try to add everything positive we can to them but we forget that adults need this too? We don’t look at a child struggling and say, “look at everything wrong with you”. We try to teach them. Yet we look at adults who were never taught and that’s exactly what we say to them. We say, ”you have so much wrong with you”

I agree for the most part with this statement. Bare in mind a lot of kids do actually get told there is something wrong with them but I think I know what you mean (as a society we educate young people and give them guidance but as an adult you're just expected to know).

Reject · 31-35, M

@Misanthropic
Don’t be yourself if…
Don’t reveal everything if…
You can change if…

This is the type of thinking I’m trying to help people get away from. When you think worth is based on some sort of “if” in what happens during life and it’s not something you make yourself.

Misanthropic · 26-30, M

@Reject Don't be yourself if you want everyone to like you is a reasonable statement because not everyone will like you for who you are.. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be yourself as much as I am trying to convey that it isn't healthy to want everyone to like you, that will limit you and push you to be something that you are not.

Yes a healthy piece of advice not to reveal everything about yourself if you are a criminal or an awful person because you will get caught and there will be consequences. Somethings are better kept to oneself.

You might think that you cannot change but as someone who has changed I disagree that people cannot change.

I'm not trying to lead anyone, I am typing my mind. There isn't much advice out there that would apply to everyone as different people find themselves in different circumstances.

Reject · 31-35, M

@Misanthropic If you put a requirement on change, you’re not changing anything. You’re simply making it something it’s not. Modifying it. For example. When you say, “you can change if live demands it” you’re not actually changing. You’re believing that life changed you. That is granting life responsibility over you it doesn’t have. We are not a product of circumstance unless you’ve taken so much away from yourself you can’t be anything else.

To improve this problem, you take what’s already there and add to it. “Sure, I can’t change this about me, but what can I do?” You don’t wait for life to tell you what is and isn’t through some if. You create that if yourself. This isn’t changing anything. It’s making the most of it because the reality is that you can’t change. Only improve through additions. All that was is still there, the same as ever. You’re just looking at it differently.

Misanthropic · 26-30, M

@Reject

If you put a requirement on change, you’re not changing anything. You’re simply making it something it’s not. Modifying it. For example. When you say, “you can change if live demands it” you’re not actually changing. You’re believing that life changed you. That is granting life responsibility over you it doesn’t have. We are not a product of circumstance unless you’ve taken so much away from yourself you can’t be anything else

This paragraph isn't even coherent.

If you put a requirement on change, you’re not changing anything

If changes are made because they required it is not change? I strongly disagree, for example if a lightbulb is broken you change it for another one.. it is a different lightbulb you have changed the lightbulb because it was required and now there is a different lightbulb so effectively you have changed the lightbulb... change is change however it happens.

You’re simply making it something it’s not. Modifying it

Modifying is a word to describe making changes to something. Making it something it is not is another way to describe change because once you have made it something it is not it then is what is was not.

Life does change people, it is a simple observable fact. I strongly disagree we are a product of circumstance.

Reject · 31-35, M

@Misanthropic As you point out this tree to me and proceed to scream and how it is indeed a tree. I’m trying to show you that it stands within a forest. You keep challenging that though and telling me no, look within this limited area. Within it is a tree gosh darn it and because you’re so right about that. I can’t argue this. I never was though. I was saying there’s more. More that you refuse to acknowledge because you’re so keen on what you know to be true. You’re looking at all the ways you can change, and therefore can’t see the ways you haven’t.

Misanthropic · 26-30, M

@Reject

You’re looking at all the ways you can change, and therefore can’t see the ways you haven’t

Of course there elements of myself that I haven't changed and there are many reasons for that to list a few...

I don't want to change certain things about myself

I don't need to change certain things about myself

There are certain things that are difficult to change about myself

And of course there are things that I can't change about myself (I am a man, I have naturally blue eyes, I have naturally brown hair) those are things I cannot change...

I am not saying there are things that cannot be changed but those things do not interest me because they are out of my hands however there are a lot of things that are in my hands.

Reject · 31-35, M

@Misanthropic Nothing has ever been in your hands. You said it yourself. You’re a product of circumstance. Everything is in your life’s hands.

Misanthropic · 26-30, M

@Reject You seem to be not understanding the definition of words like 'change' and 'circumstance' allow me to educate you on the word circumstance...

Circumstance accounts for just about everything (your biology, Dna, where you were born, who you have; will meet, how you perceive things, how you will be taught to see things, what you will want)... circumstance is a fancy word to describe your situation based on many mathematical equations (This doesn't mean you have no choice) it means your choices can be predicted given the right information.

Reject · 31-35, M

@Misanthropic Go ahead and change the goal posts for these words to suit your narrative however you need to. I won’t because I don’t need to.

Misanthropic · 26-30, M

@Reject I'm not changing the goal posts buddy, so far you have changed the definition to words, made non coherent statements and given me metaphors out of context to the argument we are having.. I have stayed on topic and I'm not angry just speaking my mind. If anything you are proving my point.

Reject · 31-35, M

@Misanthropic I know. I’ve said a lot of… things you don’t understand. That’s okay. You don’t need to understand. So don’t worry about it. I’m happy to have proven your point. I know it’s important to you.