am i the asshole here?
so, my friend (who i mentioned before in my previous posts) literally ghosted me, since september. i was (and still) upset about this, because you know that, how important she is to me. in september, i also met a girl on discord, and we became friends in a short time. in the beginning, i thought that she is nice, and friendly, i was happy that i finally found a new friend. but she is very suicidal, she always tell me how much she wants to kill herself, and i really feel sorry for her, so i also wanted to help her.
but later her behaivor became interesting.... she became mad about everything.
when i was a little "rude" (i had a really bad day back then, but i know this doesnt excuse my behaivor) or when i didnt act like the way she wanted, she started insult me for everything, she said jokes about my personal things, harrased me for my mistakes, only to make me feel bad about myself (she said this!) and when i asked, why did she say these awful and hurtful things, she said she just wanted to "defend" herself, because she felt "attacked" by me. and only because i was rude, in her opinion! i asked so many people, and they said, i wasnt even rude! even if i was, she could just tell me, i would stop obviously. i dont i think i deserve all the things she said. i dont get why she made a big deal about this.
and that's not all.
im not the type of people, who like to talk about themselves, but sometimes i tried to vent her. i told her about my previous friend, how much she meant to me, and how sad i feel about her, because i like her, even through she wasnt treat me well everytime. to be honest, i only wanted some emotional support or an advice how to deal with this, but she only said that why would i miss my friend, if she there for me now. "am i not enough?" she said, but i didnt even say this. she also said that, i am an idiot, if i miss her, because in her opinion, its not a big deal to feel upset about. but for me it is!! she was my only friend for years, of course i gonna miss her. i dont know, why she doesnt understand this, i think i have every right to feel sad and upset about this. isnt it normal?
other times, when i tried to tell her about my problems (which is rarely) she kinda ignored me, and even asked me, to do her homework for her. and i did. so many times, and she still calls me evil, if she notice that i act cold, because of this.
she always tell, that i ignore, or i dont give a f@ck about her, only because i rarely text her first. which is actually true, but its not her fault. im not a talkative person, and i assume that, this is one of my autistic traits. (this is complex, but i might be autistic, as my therapist said) but i do reply, everytime she texts me, i always listen to her problems, and i try to help her everytime. that's why i wanted to help(!) her, even with her homeworks, but now i feel that, she is uses my kindness, to do it instead of her. when i try to refuse, she is (kinda) begging me, and tells me that her parents dont leave her alone, and she cant ask for help from others, and etc. so i always help her.
i hated, how she treated me, so i had enough. i told her about everything. she said she only said those things about my friend, because she is jealous, and she dont want to lose me, and she cant stand the fact, if there is an other person in my life. once she metioned that, she has a crush on a guy, and she said, if he ever dates an other girl, she hopes that they will suffer, because he only allowed to feel happy if she is his girlfriend. when i told her, how selfish this is, she said, she cant do anything about this.
i think, in her opinion, i was only shaming her, and i am the fault for every fight we had before. now she says, that i probably want to end our friendship, which is might be true. i feel horrible around her, she made me hate myself even more. im tied of her. i know that she is needs help, she probably has serious mental issues, but i cant deal with this. not anymore. you can call me selfish, maybe i am, but i cant stand her. i dont care if im lonely, i want to stop texting her. she makes me feel worse, but i also feel sorry about her, because as i said she is really suicidal. once she even dissappered for days, and i was so terrified, because i thought, she killed herself. (actually, she tried to act dead, she said)
I know that its not her fault, she has problems, just like me, but i cant ignore that how bad she makes me feel, but if i left her, she might kill herself, and dont want that too! i dont know what should i do.
is it okay to feel upset about this, or did i do something wrong? if i did, what was that? am i the asshole here?
but later her behaivor became interesting.... she became mad about everything.
when i was a little "rude" (i had a really bad day back then, but i know this doesnt excuse my behaivor) or when i didnt act like the way she wanted, she started insult me for everything, she said jokes about my personal things, harrased me for my mistakes, only to make me feel bad about myself (she said this!) and when i asked, why did she say these awful and hurtful things, she said she just wanted to "defend" herself, because she felt "attacked" by me. and only because i was rude, in her opinion! i asked so many people, and they said, i wasnt even rude! even if i was, she could just tell me, i would stop obviously. i dont i think i deserve all the things she said. i dont get why she made a big deal about this.
and that's not all.
im not the type of people, who like to talk about themselves, but sometimes i tried to vent her. i told her about my previous friend, how much she meant to me, and how sad i feel about her, because i like her, even through she wasnt treat me well everytime. to be honest, i only wanted some emotional support or an advice how to deal with this, but she only said that why would i miss my friend, if she there for me now. "am i not enough?" she said, but i didnt even say this. she also said that, i am an idiot, if i miss her, because in her opinion, its not a big deal to feel upset about. but for me it is!! she was my only friend for years, of course i gonna miss her. i dont know, why she doesnt understand this, i think i have every right to feel sad and upset about this. isnt it normal?
other times, when i tried to tell her about my problems (which is rarely) she kinda ignored me, and even asked me, to do her homework for her. and i did. so many times, and she still calls me evil, if she notice that i act cold, because of this.
she always tell, that i ignore, or i dont give a f@ck about her, only because i rarely text her first. which is actually true, but its not her fault. im not a talkative person, and i assume that, this is one of my autistic traits. (this is complex, but i might be autistic, as my therapist said) but i do reply, everytime she texts me, i always listen to her problems, and i try to help her everytime. that's why i wanted to help(!) her, even with her homeworks, but now i feel that, she is uses my kindness, to do it instead of her. when i try to refuse, she is (kinda) begging me, and tells me that her parents dont leave her alone, and she cant ask for help from others, and etc. so i always help her.
i hated, how she treated me, so i had enough. i told her about everything. she said she only said those things about my friend, because she is jealous, and she dont want to lose me, and she cant stand the fact, if there is an other person in my life. once she metioned that, she has a crush on a guy, and she said, if he ever dates an other girl, she hopes that they will suffer, because he only allowed to feel happy if she is his girlfriend. when i told her, how selfish this is, she said, she cant do anything about this.
i think, in her opinion, i was only shaming her, and i am the fault for every fight we had before. now she says, that i probably want to end our friendship, which is might be true. i feel horrible around her, she made me hate myself even more. im tied of her. i know that she is needs help, she probably has serious mental issues, but i cant deal with this. not anymore. you can call me selfish, maybe i am, but i cant stand her. i dont care if im lonely, i want to stop texting her. she makes me feel worse, but i also feel sorry about her, because as i said she is really suicidal. once she even dissappered for days, and i was so terrified, because i thought, she killed herself. (actually, she tried to act dead, she said)
I know that its not her fault, she has problems, just like me, but i cant ignore that how bad she makes me feel, but if i left her, she might kill herself, and dont want that too! i dont know what should i do.
is it okay to feel upset about this, or did i do something wrong? if i did, what was that? am i the asshole here?
18-21
