Suicidal people and how they leave people around them feeling guilty

I have a friend that I've known for years now, ever since I met her she's been sad, depressed and needy.

At first I thought I'd listen to her, care for her and be there for her whenever she needed, it went on for about 2 years, I spent days and nights listening to her endless nags and whines about everything and everyone, it damaged myself too since I've been struggling with depression but I don't talk about it.

After that many days and years I finally noticed that this is the pattern of her behavior, she doesn't try at all to get better not one single effort did she make, I also realized the reason behind her behavior but I won't go into those details.

After that I used covid quarantines as an excuse to stay away from her and her negative energies but then she started attempting suicide, saying nobody cared about her and with that I fell in her circle of depression plus now suicidal thoughts.
Ngl it took me again a while to notice it was her new method to get attention. After that I began ignoring her more.

Till a few days ago she texted me and said "hey Nano I don't feel good at all" which I ignored, today she called me, she had a confused and tired tone, told me she's hospitalized because she attempted suicide......

Now it wasn't my fault, I had 10000 reasons for staying away from her, she ruined more than 2 years of my life (I know it was my own fault too)
But guilt is knocking at my door.... "if u replied to her text it might've been prevented"

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Miram · 31-35, F

In my profession and outside of it, there were times I succeeded to help and there were times I failed.
Some people can't be helped.
Simply because despite what they say, they are dishonest with themselves. They don't want help, or support.
They aren't ready or they are done trying, or they want reinforcement of a convenient mindset which allows them to remain comfortably as they are. Blissfully miserable, content to excorciate themselves when no one else will.
It can be tragic, when that is the only identity worth clinging to and there is nothing else into them but it. Whether it is life doing or coupled with their own unwillingness.
I have always questioned why offer solutions to anyone that only seeks absolution from agency and the posthumous reward of a well populated funeral and I can't lie and say that does not discourage me.
But I have very radical issues with grief that makes it almost impossible for me to accept losing to death.
I occasional strugge with suicide ideation myself but I mostly deal with it on my own and through my own devices. You will rare catch me lamenting about the whys or using a person as last desperate escape.
It is my own problem, no one else's.

Nanori · F

@Miram you should become some sort of analyzer :| you don't miss a thing