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Suicidal people and how they leave people around them feeling guilty

I have a friend that I've known for years now, ever since I met her she's been sad, depressed and needy.

At first I thought I'd listen to her, care for her and be there for her whenever she needed, it went on for about 2 years, I spent days and nights listening to her endless nags and whines about everything and everyone, it damaged myself too since I've been struggling with depression but I don't talk about it.

After that many days and years I finally noticed that this is the pattern of her behavior, she doesn't try at all to get better not one single effort did she make, I also realized the reason behind her behavior but I won't go into those details.

After that I used covid quarantines as an excuse to stay away from her and her negative energies but then she started attempting suicide, saying nobody cared about her and with that I fell in her circle of depression plus now suicidal thoughts.
Ngl it took me again a while to notice it was her new method to get attention. After that I began ignoring her more.

Till a few days ago she texted me and said "hey Nano I don't feel good at all" which I ignored, today she called me, she had a confused and tired tone, told me she's hospitalized because she attempted suicide......

Now it wasn't my fault, I had 10000 reasons for staying away from her, she ruined more than 2 years of my life (I know it was my own fault too)
But guilt is knocking at my door.... "if u replied to her text it might've been prevented"
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AuRevoir · 36-40, M
The problem is suicidal stuff is complex and complicated… and what she didn’t need is to solely rely on you but she needed a much larger circle of friends/family to rely on..

Yet when you’re in that place you feel like you can’t open up to everyone about it.. and you only end up opening to a very select few.. the problem with that being you open up to your most special people about it.. but you end up creating this burden and weight that they carry when you do..

Life sucks… because we only end up corrupting what we love I think.. unless that person knows of those same exact feelings without your influence in them.. it only manages to breed more chaos and as you said.. causes people to distance themselves from you…

Suicidal people need more friends so that their negative ills are spread about more evenly..

I speak this as someone who struggles with being a suicidal person from time to time.. so idk…

It’s not your fault.. and if they’re a true friend they would never place that blame on you.. their call to you is most likely the simplest truth.. they miss you is all.. and they’re hurting…. However being a suicidal person they’re likely to always be hurting…

Don’t place any burden on yourself.. if they’re anything like I am they only blame their suicidal tendencies on their past that haunts them like a real life ghost.. not on you.. and the loneliness just convinces them to make attempts is all.. but it’s never your fault…
Nanori · F
@AuRevoir
Yet when you’re in that place you feel like you can’t open up to everyone about it.. and you only end up opening to a very select few
that's also what I thought at first, till I noticed she's been telling everyone about her problems, buying their pities and looking for someone who'd enable her to whine more
AuRevoir · 36-40, M
@Nanori strange behavior…… I couldn’t really tell what her deal is then..