Honestly I feel dead

I don't want to move. I don't want to work. I'm done feeling things. I have been drinking to numb it all. Ive even gone to the extent to mix weed with alcohol which I shouldnt. But then again, I can't sleep.

I feel so much of everything hitting me harder now. Imagine waking up to feel worthless. Not matter. You feel empty and then you need to go on with the day. If I could, I'd take it all away but I can't. At least as of now. I'm biting my tongue and holding onto the rope despite me bleeding from holding on.

I want to let go. Not remember anyone and just go away with the wind.