Husband vs Wife

@Tanmeowmeow
Another great joke, Tanmeowmeow, however, I heard it in a longer version:

Husband vs Wife

Wife: The front door handle is broken, I’m worried because you can’t lock it and anyone can walk in. Can u fix it?
Husband: what do u think I am… a locksmith?
Wife: can u help me in the gardening, I want to have a shade tree in our front yard?
Husband: what do u think I am…. a gardener?
Wife: I need to get groceries, I’m worried about the old tires on my car, two of them have gone flat,can you change the flats on my car so I can go to the store?
Husband: what do you think I am…Triple A emergency?

In the evening the husband comes from work. As he walks up the driveway he notices four brand new tires on his wife’s car. As he crosses the lawn to the front door he notices a beautiful 4 foot elm tree sapling planted. When he gets to the front door he notices there is a brand new handle. he doesn’t have a key so he knocks and the wife opens the door.

Before the wife has a chance to greet him, the husband, now angry, says: how the hell did you get all these things done? The new tires, the newly planted tree, and now this new door handle and lock?

Wife: our neighbor, the really nice retired guy who you like to make fun of. We got to talking and when he heard how frustrated I was he said, “No worries, my best friend owns a tire store, I have a son who is a locksmith, and my daughter owns a landscaping business. I can get you some great deals at cost and you can pay me back later.

The husband cools down when he realizes all the money he saved.
“Wow, that’s a lot of money saved….so what did the old bastard want for all that?

The wife looks at him with a small smile on her lips, “Well, he gave me two choices.”

Husband: “And what were those?”

“He said I could fix him a burger or … (she pauses)

“Or what?” the husband interrupts.

“Or…I could be his wife for the afternoon. His own wife passed away a number of years ago and he hasn’t made love to a woman since then.”

The husband laughs when he hears this.

“So what kind of burger did you make this old coot?”

The wife’s small smile now breaks into a large grin.

“What do you think I am, McDonald’s?”

😅

Angry Wife: "I should have married the devil, he would make a better husband than you." Hubby:"They would have arrested you! Marriage between relatives is illegal in this country."

You intentionally kept it clean I see. Good man. 👍🏼

I saw this joke before but the other man's wife was very slutty. 😬

Haha this is to funny think I might just send it to my husband

Haha...

lol

😆