Maybe it's how I see things that's wrong

Maybe I need to unlearn everything I learn't in the cult. Maybe I need to look at God again through fresh eyes. Because I am seeing negativity with regards to God because that's all I've been taught. In fact in the whole few years I was part of the cult I never once saw anyone pick up a bible. Sure there was preaching on Sundays but that was mostly being preached at us. In the form of what we should be doing rather than telling us about what was written. I hope that makes sense, here's an example. The pastor one day was yelling at us 'don't stand around in the desert go in, go in go in!!' At the top of his voice. I was new back then and he wasn't explaining things well so I didn't understand. Everything was about controlling our every move, they wanted complete compliance. I naturally questioned authority often. Which did not go down well lol. Anyway I'm going off track now. So yeah I need to learn everything from scratch.