I am really struggling to comprehend...

That God could love me and yet judge me so harshly. It just doesn't sit right with me. The threat of going to hell if I do something wrong can really play on my mind. I don't like the thought of a God who would do that to me. How can I love a God like that? I'm seriously beginning to question my beliefs. It's not that I want to not believe in God atal. I'd just like to believe in a God who is loving and accepting of everyone. But I don't know where to start with that belief. I don't want to be pagan I've been there I know that for sure. There must be a way of believing that is outside the constraints of religion. I don't know where to look though. Plus that would mean leaving behind everything I've been taught. I'm pondering things like if I don't believe in a judgemental God does that mean I don't believe in Jesus? Or are any of his teachings still valid? It's like I have this desire for a complete shake up in my beliefs and yet I'm too scared to implement this. Simply because I'm scared of being attacked by demons again. This unsurety keeps happening, its like a cycle that repeats. It feels like I am spiritually stagnant. Like I'm not going anywhere spiritually. That this cycle is because I'm missing something but I don't know what. I'm not happy that's for sure and I miss my crystals, oracle cards and daily meditation. Something needs to change. I'm spiritually searching for a way to be me and encorporate everything I enjoy. The closest thing I've found is new age belief. But it's all about manifesting stuff and that's not what I want either. There has to be something else...

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LadyGrace ·

I am truly sorry for your pain. One thing I know, is that Satan will do anything to tell us lies about the Lord so that we will not stay with Him.

Many get the mistaken notion that God is up there, just waiting to beat us over the head, every time we sin, but nothing could be further from the truth. Once we repent and ask God to forgive us, that brings you right back into fellowship with God immediately, and all your sins are forgiven and forgotten. And if you're worried about sins that you do, that you are not aware of, the Holy Spirit speaks on our behalf to our Heavenly Father. When we are unsure how to pray or don’t know what to pray for, the Holy Spirit “groans” within our hearts with words that cannot be uttered or expressed.

Jesus said I will never leave you nor forsake you. He is sad when he loses even one soul that turns away from Him. It is not about Christianity. Christians are called by that name because they follow Christ and Christianity is a way of life, not some religion. It has to do with a personal relationship with God the Father, His Son, and the Holy Spirit. Please rest assured that God would never try to harm you or abandon you. It is not in his character. Whenever we find ourselves confused about what we believe, the Bible says that Satan is the author of confusion and he will tell us any lie to get us away from God, so that tells us that God is the way, and we can never ever go wrong by following Jesus.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts, knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints (believers) according to the will of God. Romans 8:26-27

The eighth chapter of Paul’s Epistle to the church at Rome begins with a wonderful statement: “There is, therefore, now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

Satan is the one causing confusion, not God. So do not believe the lies he is telling you. Instead, know, believe, and trust, that God keeps His promises. He has to. He is perfect and cannot lie. However, other groups in this world are false teachers and they will tell you lies, but do not believe them. The biggest lie that Satan has told us, is that all paths lead to Christ. They do not. And Jesus is the one who set the standard on what is the right way to walk or not and man cannot change that. It is what Jesus said that will come to pass, you may rest assured. When He says you are forgiven, you are forgiven. That's the end of it. God forgets all about it and He wants you to, as well. He cannot lie. So we can rest in the joy of our salvation and freedom in Christ. You are not a slave to sin.

God is a loving Father that wants to love and forgive us . God forgives us and our sincere prayer, the moment we pray it. God never holds grudges. He's not even mad. He wouldn't want you beating yourself up when he has already forgiven you and remembers your sins no more. You're not expected to be perfect. We will never be perfect until we go to heaven. Then we shall be made in His image. We already are, but when we get to heaven we will realize our perfection in Him, with a new body that is sinless.